'til my head falls off

If it was my home...

2010-06-03T08:42:00.003-05:00

Just in case anyone wants to actually see the scope, here's a nifty little map. You can move the oil on top of YOUR location, and see how big it actually is.
IfItWasMyHome.com - Visualizing the BP Oil Disaster

I want to see less talk about who's to blame, whose responsibility fell down, and where the bills are going and WAY more action. This cleanup effort should have been started 44 days ago.

Just because the relief well is the only surefire way to fix the problem doesn't mean there shouldn't have been attempts at containing the direct impact of the oil on the wetlands.
"Plug the damn hole"? Screw that. Make sure we aren't just completely wiping the Gulf coast off the map with the oil that's already out. That's going to continue to come out. Do something about THAT.

Figure out the logistics of blame later.

You know what? I'm beyond pissed.

2010-05-25T21:43:00.002-05:00

Louisianans take oil cleanup in own hands as frustration mounts

Article here.

But the part that is mind boggling is this...
Says the president of Plaquemines Parish:
"Our crews are out there laying the absorbent boom," he said, adding that he couldn't understand why BP and the Coast Guard weren't doing more to protect his coastal parish.

In neighboring Jefferson Parish an emergency manager commandeered all 40 boom-laying boats hired by BP which were sitting idly at Grand Isle as oil sloshed onto beaches.

Did you get that? BP had boats, SITTING in the fucking marina. Sitting.
The Parish president went down, said, no. NO. We will not sit by when this is happening. Good for him, yeah. Of course!
But- why is this the way it's happening? Why are the local Parish presidents the only ones doing anything?

I've been seeing a lot of coverage. I am so extraordinarily disappointed in what looks like a bigger clusterfuck than the Katrina response. That's saying a lot.

Does anyone even care? It sure doesn't sound like it from here.

It's not a "spill", it's a disaster

2010-05-23T07:32:00.003-05:00

Good gravy.

I really don't know what can be done at this point. I know that the Gulf is going to be affected for a very long time. I know that the severity and scope will not be understood until later, after. I'm kind of worried. Kind of, like, holy crap, this is my backyard.

These are good people. If you feel like you want to DO something, but don't know what... this is a good place. They will need all the help they can get.

Suncoast Seabird Sanctuary

A day late

2010-05-04T09:12:00.002-05:00

So I missed infertility awareness week. It's easy for me to forget, because we went from unexplained infertility, to pregnant via IVF, to surprise! Down syndrome, to surprise! unplanned second pregnancy. So. We've pretty much covered all our bases, as it were.
Geez. How did I get here again?

I saw this on a blog I started reading when we were in the thick of IF treatments. I still read a little pregnant, so that's saying something. I think. In any case, after I watched this video I decided I needed to jump back on the infertility horse, just for a minute. Watch the video. It's kind of like that but when you live it, it hurts more. Trust me on that.

See RESOLVE for more information on the "What IF" project, or for general infertility related information.

What IF? A Portrait of Infertility from Keiko Zoll on Vimeo.

worst blogger EVAH!

2010-04-08T08:35:00.002-05:00

I know! I just disappear for months and months, pop in and out with random nonsense. Nothing of interest, no news or updates. Pictures of sunflowers. Anyway. Sorry about that, kind of. I'm not making any promises to be better about it, either. You know, life. It's busy, and we just keep on doing it.

However. Two things. First of all, you? You in NY that got here two days ago searching for FISH results? I am SO glad you got to my punch in the gut FISH results in first, but then went straight to the birth story. Because yeah, the diagnosis was really shitty. I felt like crap. I was so sad and so disappointed and so hurt. And you, I'm sure, if you were waiting on results- you maybe got good news and maybe got the diagnosis- probably already. Please, please see how the first part is awful, yes. Nobody WANTS to get that news, of course, but what I want people to know is that it's not bad forever.
It's not. You'll slog through the first couple of weeks, if you're anything like me. You'll think that maybe all the good things got sucked out of your life forever and you'll never be happy again. But it passes, I swear. Get past that part and come through the other side and it's worth it.

It's different, yeah. It's not what we thought. But my kid? He's so freaking awesome I can't stand it.

The second thing is that I was bouncing around on a friend's blogroll and came across this: Three Little Birds. Seemed pertinent to that other thing I said.

That is all.

happy easter!

2010-04-04T09:48:00.003-05:00

testing a new lens. By 'new', I mean new to me... it's really from '53 or '54, a post war German lens with some character. And a steep learning curve- while I almost always have a manual focus lens on my camera, this is the first really old one that I've tried. It's got some quirks, but I think I like it. On the camera, I cursed it ALL day yesterday, but now, with the images on the computer, it's growing on me. Probably like a fungus.

I've already got my eye on a Russian behemoth.

Pepsi is doing this thing...

2010-03-01T09:35:00.001-05:00

I'm just saying.

2010-02-23T11:38:00.002-05:00

I'm not going to expound on the utter stupidity of what he said. I'm sure everyone gets why it was political suicide.
Hey, Bob?
Come to my house and say it to my face. I dare you.

But while I'm waiting? I'll go ahead and donate some extra cash to Planned Parenthood and my local abortion fund in your name. I thought you'd like that.

geaux saints!

2010-02-06T22:17:00.001-05:00

Happy Superbowl, everybody!

Go, buy something.

2009-12-08T09:02:00.002-05:00

A good friend of mine is starting the adoption process, and is hosting a fundraising auction to help defray the costs. Go check it out, pick something, and buy it.

Lily's worth it.

Happy Halloween!

2009-11-03T12:18:00.003-05:00

Yeah, we went trick or treating. Twice, once was a field trip with Noel's class, and then again on real Halloween. We are swimming in candy.

And I am really, really, sliding on the good blogger angle, right? I mean, geez. What kind of mommy-blogger am I, anyway? The kind that slacks, apparently.
Sorry about that. Sort of.

(and Jill, yeah, I am on FB, but so rarely it's not even funny. I would have responded to your comment, but it was to a no-reply address)
On that note, here are the little buggers in costume, and I'll be around.

Scholarly

2009-09-10T14:06:00.002-05:00

So. We've gotten through a couple of weeks of school, and here's what I know.
The one typical kid in the class is a teacher's kid. She lurrrrves Noel. She also tried to cut his hair during arts and crafts last week. Heh.
After a week of Noel actually taking a nap at school, now he doesn't. Every day on his daily report home, it says 'rested'. I assume that by rested they mean 'mostly didn't try to visit every other kid in the room while they slept'.
Today the para walked Noel out to our pick-up spot. Apparently, today she was doing some diagnostic testing to see where Noel was with some stuff.
You should have seen her face when she told me that Noel knows shapes. "Even oval and diamond!". Yeah, we knew that. So I told her that he can also count to ten. (braggy brag brag, right?)

Also, we are tossing the idea of homeschooling around at our house. School isn't compulsory here until the year the kid will be 6 on Feb.1, which translates to the 2011-2012 school year. We have some time to think about it, to put it mildly.
I'm not tied to any particular education method, be it homeschool or public school or private. I am, however, open to any of them, should they prove to be the best thing for my kid.
If anybody has Ds specific information regarding homeschooling, I'd be interested to see it! But like I say, we've got some time before we have to make a decision.

Also? Only one kid is a freaking BREEZE.

Absence explained. Sorta.

2009-08-17T09:05:00.002-05:00

We were just here and away, doing summer things, building gardens, traveling to visit friends, and other assorted whatnots. I kept meaning to get back here and say something, but it never seemed interesting, really.

Noel is starting pre-k in about a week. The way our programs work around here is this: 0-3 gets in home or out of the home therapies, determined by an IFSP. After we age out of that, he goes into the public school system, and receives his therapies in a classroom setting- or, theoretically, we could decline the school part and I could take him to a school to get speech. Just speech. He wouldn't get PT or OT, because the system isn't able to do something. I stopped listening somewhere around there.

We declined the school thing back in March, and had intentions of sending Noel to a private school. Unfortunately the school (illegally, I'd like to point out, but it doesn't matter if I'm not suing them, right?) declined to accept Noel once they saw his vaccine exemption. So.
We've had the entire summer without therapy of any sort, and just last week I went ahead and re-instated our school placement and Noel's IEP. When we declined in hte spring, it was because I couldn't fathom that Noel could manage well in a full day, 5-day a week program. This was before his tubes were placed, before his Sure Steps. At the time, he was walking 40-50% of the time, but was still crawling. He had a good number of signs and word approximations, but was essentially non verbal. I was very concerned about going from all-mommy all-the-time to 30 hours a week in someone else's care.

But what a difference a few months makes, no? Noel is walking and talking like a toddler. I think that at this point, he'd really benefit from the program and so that's what we're doing. I'll still pick him up before naptime because really? He can sleep at home.

He might be ready, but I'm certainly not. I'm not ready to share him with a teacher I don't know, who may not appreciate all the fabulousness of my kid. It's the first of the little breaks, right? Little steps away from mommy. It's the way it works, I know, but man. Stings.

Father's day?

2009-06-18T11:22:00.002-05:00

Again? Really?
Man, I've got to get something together for that. I know it's a huge cop out, but I always give everyone pictures of the kids. I know. But everyone always likes them, and luckily for me, it's what I do. And I like to think that they're not too shabby.
Crisis averted.

Oh, except for that other thing- the one that's keeping me awake at night and has me doing that thing... I know I'm not the only one- where you say, I could do this, and maybe this, but then this other thing won't work. Or I could try this thing, but thenthat other thing won't fit. And then you just work around in circles in your head for a while and it seems like you're getting someplace but then you're nowhere again? Yeah. That's driving me totally crazy.
See, here's the thing. I have had this business idea. I've had it for quite a while, it's one of those things that just kind of rolls around in the back of your head. I went to a studio outside of my local area for a lighting seminar, and the photographer there had the thing that was in my head.
And it was very, very cool.
And I wanted it.

But I'm not at a place where I can comfortably open a brick and mortar studio, and I'm not the 'in my house' studio type, and that's ok. So I keep on being an exclusively on location photographer.
Well, then this thing happened, and this other thing happened, and then my mom decided to put a garage on her property. With a little attached studio. Well, it's really not a studio, but it's going to be. So, yay!

And that gives me the space to do the really cool thing that I wanted in the first place, but the sheer volume of choices to make has me absolutely boggled. I just have to make the choices, so I can start the real planning, but I'm totally stranded in the pre-planning, because I can't make the decision. It's a tough life.

I have this condition- we joke about it, but it's kind of weird- I either want or need something (always specific, but could be anything) and I can't find it, within about six months after it's too late (for my purposes) that thing is everywhere. Drives me crazy. Also, it worries me a little, in particular with this project, because I want to be the only one in the area with this awesome idea. At least I think it's awesome.

So, here's what I'm planning (but in miniature):
So far, the best example I've found
A very small cottage facade, with full garden in front. Good for fairies and princesses. Also a small barn facade, with some barn-y type props. A bale of hay.
Either brick or flagstone patio with some type of sitting area- bench, low wall, a fountain or something. A sand area with palm tree and a couple little kid-size Adirondack chairs.
My big problem is that I have too many ideas and not enough room or money. I have to pick the most viable, the ones that will be most productive. I have some ideas about asking for an exchange with local businesses- maybe I could get a local playhouse builder to work with me for advertising. I haven't gotten that far yet, because I'm still trying to figure out exactly where I'm going to put things... and which things will be there at all. And I'm stuck.

But I'm really excited, because the in-studio/outdoor thing is exactly what was floating around in my head. It's just hard getting it from in there to out here.

just... wow.

2009-06-15T17:45:00.003-05:00

You can read all about it here.
I read a blog- Citizens for Midwifery. I know that I'm considered fringe, that by having a home birth after a cesarean I'm already considered to be a little out there. Not that I had a home birth, but that's a little dicey, too- but especially after a c-section. I know that the obstetricians in my state and the nurses' groups, too- they both have lobbyists working for them to outlaw midwives here. The laws on midwifery are sunsetting, which means that they will have to get voted on again to keep the laws allowing midwives to practice on the books.
And the AMA is pulling this crap- something that I cannot even begin to wrap my head around- because I am a non-compliant patient. I would be at risk of having my insurance company not cover my care because I would have this information in my medical history.

Ladies, even if you don't think that homebirth is for you, even if you don't ever want to see a midwife- at least give the ones of us that want it the choice. We are losing our choices, and I'm not noticing many opposing voices.

Support your local midwives.

Quick! Tell me what to do!

2009-06-12T13:32:00.002-05:00

So, I was at Tuesday Morning today, and while poking around in the luggage section (don't need luggage, but anyway) I saw some laptop cases. The majority of them were fairly hideous, but...
there was one. It was a little briefcase looking job, but way smaller than a briefcase (which is good, because I'm smaller than a person). But there were little compartments and whatnot in part of it, spaces that would be pretty decent for taking some jewelry samples with me to pre-shoot client consultations.
I know nothing of upscale leathers, and less than that about handbags. I carry around a wallet. Granted, the last wallet purchase I made, I got something really cool instead of the business card holder I was using to stash my credit cards in, but still. I'm not exactly a fashionista. Nor am I involved in the briefcase toting lifestyle- so really.
This little case was more than I'd "just" buy, but not so much that I'd be upset over the amount. And I didn't buy it while I was there, but I'm sorely tempted to go back and get it.

It's a Tanner Krolle, which meant nothing to me until I got home and googled. Ha. But If I'm trying to present my work to the chi-chi in our area- those moms know the name. And it's cute. I can't find an example of the bag online, so it's probably long discontinued, but still.

(ps. I said tell me what to do, I know, but never mind. I'm going back anyway.)

This is my baby?

2009-06-04T13:11:00.001-05:00

She's just so friggin' BIG. Wah.

night noises

2009-05-30T11:30:00.002-05:00

Do you love it when you hear scritching in your walls? Yeah, me either.
We've got a mama possum with five babies in our attic. Yay wildlife.

At least it's not a rat.

Not half bad

2009-05-29T16:16:00.002-05:00

The event went off with nary a hitch, even though there were lots of places where it could have gone very, very bad. It was busy, and stressful, and I didn't eat lunch because I had too many files to edit and not enough prints waiting to be picked up, but it's over, it went well, and everyone was happy.

Not to mention all the other vendors that were there picked up the business cards I had out... yay for networking! Yay for being done with this! And a great big woo-hoo for getting paid!

sensible people

2009-05-28T23:38:00.002-05:00

Sensible people would be sleeping right now, not aimlessly trolling flickr for some inspiration for maternity posing.
Alas, I've never been all that sensible, and anyway, I just got done with testing the new printer for the big thing tomorrow. Word on the street is that it'll be 30-ish moms-to-be and 6 or so office headshots. The headshots will be regular-like, so I can take the files home and actually edit them and all that. The maternity portion (moms attending a one day birth and breastfeeding class) will all be printed on site. It'll be exciting, if not crazy stressful- but it'll get done, it'll be fine, and they can't take away my birthday, anyway.

I'm going to bed. Wish me luck, right?

I knew it was coming, but YOWZA.

2009-05-26T15:03:00.002-05:00

I finally weathered my first all-out, flail like a wild thing, screaming temper tantrum. At the aquarium, trying to feed both kids. We were the public spectacle.

It was not awesome.

We have been so spoiled by Noel, with his easy going nature and his ability to take change in stride. Darrah, not so much. We're in for a ride with this one, I think.

done

2009-05-21T11:07:00.002-05:00

He's in recovery, tubes are in, adenoids are out. Dr. says, "I think you'll have a new kid".

I am hopeful. I am really happy I have this little notebook 'puter and that there's wifi here, too.
Mostly, though, I can't wait to see my baby. They say twenty minutes.

ebb and flow

2009-05-19T09:07:00.003-05:00

Tubes and adenoids scheduled for Thursday. On the one hand, I'm really excited about the consequences of the surgery- the better hearing, the better breathing at night. On the other, yikes. And then yikes some more. It's short. It's outpatient, It's at a surgery center that is only for children, only for ENT, only the doctors in this practice. Clearly, they know what they're doing. Clearly, the staff is intimately aware of caring for children. Still, I worry.

I've been trying to learn the ins and outs of SEO and keywords and pay per click and promoting my business website without spending too much money and without looking stupid. I think I may be doing ok, as the hits over there have really jumped in the last couple of days. Hits don't mean booked shoots, but hey- it's a start.

I have a 'session' coming up that is terrifying. It's a full day, print on site maternity shoot. I don't know what I was thinking when I agreed, but it's on now. It's not like charity, as I'm getting paid, but it is for a non-profit, and it is for a segment of our population that would not normally have a maternity portrait. So, I think that the women will be happy that I'm there, and I think that it will all work out fine in the end. Right now, though, I'm having some concerns, like, ohmygawd, what the hell was I thinking. Or, holy shit, how on earth am I going to get 30-50 5x7s printed straight out of the camera with no processing? And, erm, do you think that I can do this to a notebook that we acquired kind of suddenly? Quick?

And then I have to change a diaper and make a snack and I try not to worry too much about it. The shoot OR the surgery.

Oh, god. Pass the 'what to expect' book

2009-05-16T09:41:00.003-05:00

Erm, we tossed out all the baby's first year, here's what your kid should be doing stuff pretty early on with Noel. That's kind of untrue- we still have the books, but they're really first-year, baby books. We never upgraded to the 'what your kid does next' versions. It seemed silly, and we've been making it up as we go ever since. We let Noel lead the way on what he's capable of doing and ready to try.

We've been blindly stumbling through some potty time- and when I say stumbling, maybe I mean traipsing, or meandering. We've been trying it, but not really pushing it.

When Darrah signed 'potty', I figured I should reinforce the meaning of the word and sign by doing the same thing I'd do for Noel- put her on the potty. But then she peed there. And again the next time.

I'm not prepared to call her 'potty learning', but clearly she is. I don't know what to do next. It's one of those I don't want to waste the interest, but don't want to force the issue, either.

So we amble along, these kids and me. I'm hoping I don't screw either one of them up, all the while secretly praying for fewer diapers to wash (oh, yeah, we still use cloth at home and disposables when we're out) It's too early for me to be eyeing the super cute Hanna Andersson trainers, right?

kicking the dead horse, I know.

2009-05-10T13:05:00.003-05:00

It's Mother's Day, again, so I'll post it, again.
It's the Mother's Day Proclamation by Julia Ward Howe, and I would rather we had peace than brunch. I'm funny that way. But still, I never turn down mimosas or belgian waffles. Happy Mother's Day, moms. It's a tough job.

Arise, then, women of this day! Arise all women who have hearts,
whether our baptism be that of water or of fears!

Say firmly: "We will not have great questions decided by
irrelevant agencies. Our husbands shall not come to us, reeking
with carnage, for caresses and applause. Our sons shall not be
taken from us to unlearn all that we have been able to teach
them of charity, mercy and patience.

We women of one country will be too tender of those of another
country to allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs. From
the bosom of the devastated earth a voice goes up with our own.
It says "Disarm, Disarm! The sword of murder is not the balance
of justice."

Blood does not wipe our dishonor nor violence indicate possession.
As men have often forsaken the plow and the anvil at the summons
of war, let women now leave all that may be left of home for a
great and earnest day of counsel. Let them meet first, as women,
to bewail and commemorate the dead.

Let them then solemnly take counsel with each other as to the
means whereby the great human family can live in peace, each
bearing after their own time the sacred impress, not of Caesar,
but of God.

In the name of womanhood and of humanity, I earnestly ask that a
general congress of women without limit of nationality may be
appointed and held at some place deemed most convenient and at
the earliest period consistent with its objects, to promote the
alliance of the different nationalities, the amicable settlement
of international questions, the great and general interests of
peace.

Julia Ward Howe
Boston
1870

because I like bacon.

2009-05-08T07:05:00.002-05:00

So, I totally forgot the one Ds related story we collected in New Orleans. Sorry.

It was our last morning in town, and we were packed and just kind of waiting until time to check out and head to the airport. We went to get breakfast at this awesome place (no, I will NOT tell you where, thank you, there are like seven tables in there and I like to have a place to sit. Like there are that many of you that A) read the blog, B) are going to be/are in New Orleans, and C) would take my word on it. Hee. They really do have the most seriously awesome biscuits in the world, though. No offense, aunt Abi)

Right.
So, we were eating breakfast and killing time. It's a good thing, because restaurant no-name doesn't have any high chairs, so we had one kid on a lap and one kid in a stroller. It takes a million years to eat like that.
There was an older couple at the table next to us. They were playing sweet games with the kids- peekaboo with Darrah, and giving out high fives to Noel. We exchanged brief niceties, and then the occasional chatter about a kid. They were reading the paper and discussing whatever- I'd catch bits and pieces of talk of current events, and while usually I'm an avid overlistener (sounds better than eavesdropping, right?), I was busy with Darrah and her gaping maw of a mouth.
We were about 3/4 done, and they were getting up to pay, and on the way out, the woman came over and made kid goodbyes, and the man hovered for a second longer. His parting comment? "These people are such a blessing".
And I ignored it, specifically, and smiled and nodded, I think. I wanted to say, but aren't we all! Instead I said, 'now, you two have a great day!', and the like.

And when we got up to pay, they had paid our bill, too. Which was nice.
And in hindsight, I'm more willing to believe that they, themselves, were 'blessed' in some way. At the time, though, it kind of felt like charity.
And I didn't like it.

But I really like breakfast.
And I'm really, really, really glad I didn't snark at the nice older man.

I know a chicken...

2009-05-07T06:24:00.003-05:00

And she laid an egg.
(do you know this song? Laurie Berkner)

You know the chicken of ours that has escaped twice? She's the one that has me looking like a crazy person with a double stroller chasing her around the neighborhood.
Well, now she's gone broody.
Won't get out of the nest, and the other girls are getting a little perturbed. There is a second nestbox, but nobody wants to use it for whatever chicken reason. I'm not about to get some fertile eggs for her to hatch, so we have to break her of this nonsense. Whee! Fun with farm animals.

home again

2009-05-06T08:49:00.004-05:00

So, we made it there and back, two flights, seven hotel nights, two walking babies, and one grandma-nanny in one piece without any major mishaps.
Yay!

Saw Doc Watson. Man, at 86, the guy still has the blues in his blood. Crazy, man. Buddy Guy was fab, too. Found Jesus in the Gospel tent, because on a Sunday morning, with a bloody mary in hand, it's just the right thing to do. Everybody finds Jesus in the Gospel tent, whether it's your thing or not. Ya just do. Saw perhaps the worst puppet show of all time in the kids' tent, and not only was the actual show awful, the sound was even worse. Bon Jovi drew such a crowd that we only caught the last few minutes of him, but we got 'Wanted', and a Bon Jovi rendition of 'Twist and Shout'. I hear they counted 90K people that day. We left the kids back at the hotel with Gramma, and that was probably the best decision of the week. We managed to stay almost to the end of the last day, with the Neville Brothers closing out on one stage while the Radiators closed the other one- but the threatening rain had us leave before the encore. We had Noel with us that day, and the kid hates the rain. The thing he hates second-most is umbrellas, so we left.

Man, I love me some JazzFest. I can't wait until next year.

Noel's been coughing a nasty croupy cough since mid-vacation, and it's not getting better yet, so we had to reschedule his tubes-adenoids surgery. Darrah's been practicing her walking, and at this point, she's practically running. We had to buy one of those monkey backpacks cleverly disguising the kid-leash.

And that, my friends, is that.

timing is everything

2009-04-27T13:01:00.002-05:00

So, this morning, we were supposed to pick up our Sure Steps. Turns out, the billing department tried to send the invoice through Early Steps, and Early Steps declined the authorization. Instead of going ahead and ordering them, then, they tried to reach me Friday (missed the call and message. my fault), because after talking to our insurance, we'd be paying out of pocket for the entire thing.
When they couldn't get in touch with me, the order was placed on hold- which, while I would have rather had the SS, I appreciate the fact that these are expensive, and this would have been a surprise bill that I don't want to pay today.

So I call Early Steps, I call our old PT, I call my husband. No SureSteps! Big bill! Yikes!

And then I got home, and checked the mail, and in the little tarnished brass box was Noel's Medicaid card. Called the orthotics place, the order is back on, I don't have to kick anyone's butt into covering or deal with insurance that flips over to crap on May 1, nothing. We use Medicaid as secondary, and we have primary coverage (which still sucks) with the husband's employer. No worry about the adenoid surgery, no worry about the orthotics. Done.

And the day before we leave town, I'm getting a little scratchy throat and my neck is a little sore (I'm betting it's a lymph nodes swelling thing). Because it can't all be good news, right?
Trying to kick the crap out of the cooties with ginger and garlic and vitamin C and chicken broth and extra zinc and, and, and...
whatever I can come up with that could possibly maybe get me better faster.

awesome/not awesome

2009-04-23T14:32:00.002-05:00

So, Noel is scheduled for his tubes and adenoid surgery in two weeks. I feel like the ENT kinda blew me off, but I think his end recommendation was correct, so I didn't argue the point.
Our health insurance changes six days before the procedure. (as an aside, it's nice to see how dramatically health insurance costs underline the health of a business. The husband's employer is not doing very well, apparently) We will have gone from a do-able $500 deductible to a holy shit, are you effing kidding me $2000 deductible.
Good times.

Also, I'd like to mention how much I love waiting for a kid to poop. That's been the highlight of the past couple of days. Whee!

We pick up our Sure Steps on Monday (farm print, thanks for asking). I hope they are like magic.

We leave for the promised land in four days. I can practically smell it, and am ready to leave. Now. Packed? No. Ready? Oh, yes.

2009-04-18T07:25:00.002-05:00

I got a business line for the shooting action. I thought that maybe there would BE some action if people could call me, and therefore, a business number was assigned. It's more of a pretend number, as its only function is to forward people to voicemail or ring through to my cell phone, but still. It's the appearance and all that.
And I have a seminar on Monday about maternity lighting. Yay!

I am also trying to have an original thought about family portraits, and I'm not sure if I'm totally on the wrong track or what. Mostly the actual marketing of said idea is the real bugger, and capturing the clients first... all I'm saying is that I'm glad it's a toll-free line I got there, is all.

The chickens have all started laying, and it is SO freaking awesome to walk into the backyard and grab a couple of eggs. We get about 18 a week, which is more than I expected, but hey, we share. Also, we eat a lot of eggs now. Only one of the easter eggers is laying blue eggs, the other three girls lay brown.

Also, Noel has a)a stomach bug, b)reflux, c) some mystery thing that makes him gag and cough and sometimes little pukeys. Gross. He's not really eating, he's not really sick, and aside from being a little bit pale and a little bit tired, he's just regular. We're playing wait and see, and also letting him eat crackers and pears and yogurt for dinner, if he wants to.

And that's the minutae that everyone loves, no?

are they joking?

2009-04-16T15:05:00.003-05:00

So, I just got an email from Williams Sonoma. Like I have the time, energy, or kitchen space (uh, for any more, I mean. Besides all the build-a-bear cake pans and vegetable cakelet pans and other WS whatnot I already have no space time or energy for).
Anyway.

The title of the email:
Perfect for Mother's Day: Our Filled Pancake Pan

Because we appreciate you SO MUCH, mom, could you please make us breakfast? And not those regular pancakes, these newer and better ones. Your old ones suck.
Did I mention, make me breakfast?

Whatever.
We're completely ignoring the fact that when we were physically in the store I picked up that exact pancake pan and said, 'yummy!'.

THAT'S what happens?

2009-04-14T11:28:00.002-05:00

Really? Did everyone know this but me?

So, Darrah has been occasionally taking one little step. She'll stand up, and wobble a bit, and then one foot scootches forward. We keep waiting for her to take another step, but so far, it's this one foot out business.
A couple of nights ago, she stuck the one foot out, and tried to move the other one. Instead, she did something of a pirouette, didn't fall right away, but finally wound up on her butt. Again.

So, this morning, Noel's toodling around the living room with his Easter basket full of whatever it is that he carries around in there. Darrah's standing at the coffee table.
And she took a step away. And then another. And the next thing I knew, she was three feet away from it, all on her own power.

Dude, she's WALKING. Not just one step, one step, one step, but walking.
I had NO idea that this was the way that happened.
Oh, the possibilities with two walkers is nauseating. Woohoo!

playing with light, different kid, take two

2009-04-08T06:58:00.002-05:00

plaing with light, different kid

2009-04-07T14:45:00.003-05:00

OK, I have no idea what was going on with my strobe in this- in fact, I think it was pointing at the ground or something. Helpful hint: don't try to take two kids to the park and play photographer and mom at the same time. Especially if you're doing anything more than holding a camera... like dinking around with a lightstand. Heh. I do it anyway, but that's when Darrah tries to latch onto a tree. And then gets mad at it.

playing with light, part the second

2009-04-05T21:20:00.002-05:00

Next time I won't use a bare flash. I don't like the shadows, they're pretty hard. Otherwise (except for Noel's total disinterest), I like the way the sun is balanced... if only I could remember what the hell I did to make that work.

I was playing with light today

2009-04-04T21:38:00.002-05:00

I'm lucky I have such a cutie pie model. Got a new flash... again. The first time I got it, it was dead. Now I have a new new flash, and it's fun. Yay!

I hope it's over now

2009-04-02T07:30:00.003-05:00

Because, for serious, I just can't take another day of this crap. Since Monday, it's been one of those days times a zillion. Back to back. In a row. Without a break.
So, on Monday (which I wrote about, but then buried under the Special Olympics ads) we found out that the preschool that we were about to start wasn't going to take Noel. They are a private, church-based school, and receive no funding from the state. The are licensed by the county, but not accredited by anyone so they don't have any reason to follow the state statutes that say our religious exemption is valid.
They won't take him.

I found a Montessori school across town that was on our list of schools way back, and so I called them. The director told me, "Oh, honey, we can't take a special needs child. Kids like that need a one-to-one aid, and we just don't have the staff".

Then my mom forgot that she was coming over to watch the kids while I got my contact lens prescription fixed, so I missed that.

Then we had an audiologist appointment where I was told that not only did Noel have the 25dB loss that we thought was a possibility, it was actually 30-40dB. And I felt awful that we had the previous appointment a while ago and I didn't follow up with that. Not to mention the part where the audiologist said this time that it probably wasn't a fluid problem, but a structural problem, one that tubes couldn't fix and hearing aids were the only option.

Then we went to the SSA office, to complete Noel's disability report. I assume we're not eligible, but have heard it's better to be in their system before you need it. Should anything happen- layoff, or other icky things- then coverage is immediate. Sounds easy enough... but no. Government is slow. A fifteen minute wait to tell me that it was a two hour wait after that. Nuts. I made an appointment for April.

Then I had to get a urine sample from Noel, because the poor kid has what I think is a UTI. I'm like, 90% sure. I had to go to two different labs, the first one to get the sticky bag (and waited around for an hour and Noel never did pee in the damned thing), and then a second, which was supposed to be open an hour later than the first. It wasn't. I got horrible attitude from three separate lab techs, for three separate reasons, at two different locations. For simple things, like asking questions at the wrong part of the desk. Or thinking that the second lab was, in fact, open- like the first (same chain) lab told me, as did the website. Seriously, I normally just blow that crap off, really, I do. I'm so out of patience, though.

Monday night, I was angry and frustrated.
Tuesday night, I was starting to get at the top end of my acceptable stress level.
Wednesday night, I drank half a bottle of wine.

During all of this, I've been seeking out preschools for Noel, and taking care of Darrah, and feeding a dog and some chickens and that's about it. We've had takeout for dinner since Monday. I think I've found a school for Noel. It's closer than the first one, and more diverse than the first one (oh, geez, it was a great school, but as a whole, it was very blonde). I won't feel like such an outcast at this one- the other moms aren't Junior League bubbleheads, and every SUV in the parking lot won't have a McCain/Palin bumper sticker. It was a great school though, and I was willing to suck up that part so Noel could go, but it is really nice to think I don't have to.
Last night after dinner, I sat behind Noel and whispered, 'cookies'. He turned around, laughed, and signed cookie. And repeated me. For the rest of the night. I even gave him a cookie, later, but he kept saying it.
I don't know that he has the major loss that the testing showed yesterday morning. We still have an appointment with a new ENT, and we will find out for sure, for positive. But I don't have the all-consuming guilt that I did the second I walked out of the audiology office yesterday.
And we'll stop by the lab today, hopefully getting that situated. We'll do that on our way to the aquarium, which is more fun than anything we've done since Sunday.
I quit.

we don't SAY that.

2009-03-31T12:26:00.004-05:00

Just when I thought it was easy

2009-03-31T08:47:00.002-05:00

It all went down the tubes, again. I should be getting used to this by now. Just when I think everything is buttoned up and taken care of, that all the work and running and stress and whatever is over and finished, something always pops up. Always.
Something popped up when we got married- a few weeks before our wedding, which was planned- our ceremony and reception location (was the same place) cancelled on us. We had to find a new location for 80 people in two weeks. We had to reconfigure our menu, cancel the cake, send out a change of plans note. It was chaos. At the end of the day, though, it was perfect, and we all had a better time where we ended up than we would have had at the original place. For the best. But still, hectic.
Then there was that whole baby thing... there was the IVF, which threw us. There was the diagnosis, which threw us. There was the c-section, which threw us.
There was the second surprise pregnancy, which was a surprise. Hence the 'surprise pregnancy' bit.

So, at this point, I should really, really, really not be surprised when the shit hits the fan, when things go askew, when what I think is happening no longer does.

Yesterday I dropped off the remaining papers for Noel's preschool. He was supposed to start today. I was ushered into the director's office after there was some uncomfortable paper shuffling by the receptionist.
(because I'm smart, I knew why- the 'blue form' (immunization record) was a different blue form- our vaccine exemption paper)

They told me that they were very sorry, but their committee voted to not accept exemptions. Except it's state law, and they CANNOT discriminate against Noel for being non-vaccinated. Even though they are a church. Doesn't change the fact that Noel's not in school, doesn't change the fact that now I will not put him there if they say anything other than, 'Oh, we're sorry, didn't realize'. If we have to push the issue to have him enrolled, that opens him up to being treated like Typhoid Mary. I won't do that.

What I will do, however, is go and check out the Montessori preschool across town as a backup. I imagine, if they have space, we'd start in the fall. So much for getting a jump on it this year.
What I will also do is make sure the school is fully aware of the laws that do pertain to them, even as a church school. That there are two statutes that they have to abide by, regardless of their funding. I will take this to as many people as I need to until the administration and the committee accept the fact that they cannot vote away laws. It will not benefit us, Noel will not be attending the school if I think that he will be treated differently by the staff for his vaccination status. The next family, though, that wants to go to this preschool, which is supposed to be fabulous, won't have as hard of a time with an exemption.
Hopefully.

2009-03-28T07:55:00.003-05:00

Quickly, here's what the latest is down here.
It's summer. I said so, yesterday, when we went to our local neighborhood ice cream joint, when asked what their hours were. I said, "In the summer, they're open until 11". Not thinking that in all the rest of the country, it's barely spring. Sorry about that.
I got a wonky scrip for my contact lenses. The left one, the worst eye, is actually spot on. It's the right, my dominant eye, the one that I use to focus my camera with that won't work right. I've tried waiting to see if it got better, and it hasn't. I have to carve out more time to sit in an optometrists waiting room to sort it out. This is awesome.
That picture of Noel? It's cute. I love it. The focus is off. It bothers me immensely.
The postcards I did for the baby expo last week didn't really bring a lot more traffic to my website. I have gotten several emails from other vendors at the expo, trying to sell their own stuff. One plus, though (and it's a big one)- is that I've been offered a spot with a 3d/4d ultrasound maternity spa kind of place as a 'by appointment' maternity photographer. Pretty cool, and they would like to take 10%. Now I have to go read up on what's the usual and customary when you're in a sort of rental kind of business attachment.
But first I have to sort out these damn contacts, because I can't see for shit.

Birthday shoot

2009-03-25T15:57:00.002-05:00

He IS three, you know.

Because you asked, Jen:

2009-03-21T07:36:00.005-05:00

One of the eggs got the innards blown out, and the shell is sitting above our stove. I don't know exactly what to do with that, but thought I should keep one.
Here's what happened to two of the eggs: scrambled, with oatmeal muffins and a yogurt smoothie. (and note, yeah, we let him eat wherever. We're not very meal-structured)
(and also, yeah, that's a purple striped shirt he's wearing. Um, not very gender-specific around here, either. And also, happy World Down syndrome Day, and also, yeah, I voted for him, but that was a stupid thing to say, Mr President. And also, I was happy to see this on the front page of the paper this morning:
Obama's bowling quip prompts challenge.)

finally!

2009-03-20T14:30:00.002-05:00

We have eggs! I gave the girls a special treat of salad greens for all the effort.
Man, I love the camera phone.

funny story

2009-03-19T13:55:00.005-05:00

So, the husband and a couple of kid-less friends and I were at a music festival thing a couple of weeks ago. We're at a county fairgrounds.
I say, "hey, look, that rock is shiny". I pick it up, because that's what I do. It's weird, but I pick up rocks. It's like I'm a seven year old boy or something.

Anyway. I'm doing laundry once we got back. Find said rock. Here she is, in all her glory:

I totally missed the glitter and paint at the time. Just saw a shiny thing and put it in my pocket.

Gah. Just gah.

2009-03-16T10:43:00.003-05:00

We did our morning sit in at Noel's new school. It was great.
Noel didn't even notice when I left to handle the paperwork end of it- deposit checks and the forms and whatnot. He was happily sitting in a little chair, listening to a story, while the three (yeah, three- for eleven kids) teachers in the room washed up hands from outside play. He's not too sure about the other (eleven, did I mention eleven?) kids, as even when we're at playgroup, it's generally four or five other little people. He's never been around such unbridled toddlerhood before.
But he likes to play outside, he likes to pretend play in the kitchen, he was mostly ok with the singing at circle time (again, it was the mass toddler-ness of the whole group that spooked him, I think), and while he didn't eat his snack, he was content to sit at the table while everyone else ate their animal crackers and drank their apple juice.
I'd say 'he didn't touch his snack', except it would be a lie. He picked up one animal cracker, tentatively, and licked the corner of it. Then he put it back on the napkin with all the other crackers, and that was it.

On the one hand, the placement is excellent- he fits right in with the class, as far as abilities go. On the other, it's kind of breaking my heart that he's in the one year old class. Granted, it's the end of the year, and some of these 'one year olds' are actually almost 2, and the reason we're doing it this way is to get Noel acclimated at the end of this year so he can officially start with the same kids in the two year old class in the fall. That doesn't seem so much of a spread, really, and doesn't sting as much, and it's just a technicality, just semantics, because it's the same kids and the same age difference. But ouch.
And then the regular mom stuff of leaving your kid with someone else, depending on them to take care and notice and protect the only thing your heart cares about for a few hours, twice a week. There's that thing, too.

But he will love it, and he will gain much from it. No question about that, and so I will suck it up.

Apart from the earth-shaking kids growing up information (news flash: moms cry about first day of school), we had an escapee chicken, again. The same one, too. This time I just let her wander around the backyard until we made our capture (monofilament line tied to the door of a dog crate) rather than actively chase- much less stress. The chasing doesn't work and you look stupid chasing a chicken, anyhow.

The starter in my car went kaput, and we rented one for a couple of days to keep up with life. LATCH system? That's awesome. I'd probably know about that if we ever bought new(er) cars.

We bought a new washer and dryer with some of our tax return moolah. Switched from electric to gas on the dryer. As it turns out, the dryer we bought had been converted to a different type of gas than what we have, unbeknownst to us, the salesguy, or the store, and we had a fireball of epic proportions inside the dryer. Melted clothes, diapers. We're now on week two of a 'loaner' dryer, after three weeks of playing roundy-round with the repair guy. At least we have a working dryer, and I don't really care that the washer is a different color than the dryer. In fact, if we don't have to schedule yet ANOTHER three hour window for a repair person or delivery person or other random dryer related person to come to the house, I'd keep the mis-matched set to save the hassle.

And in business related news, I bought a new-to-me backdrop (it's pretty, sheer, and shimmery, sort of, while being totally earth-toned neutral), a new backdrop stand and black muslin just got delivered, and I have some cutey-cute parasols for props coming in the next day or two. I am ready for the onslaught, please. T-minus five days to the first push of my marketing plan.

But. He's going to start school.

ABLE act: call your congresspersons and representatives. Now.

2009-03-12T12:36:00.002-05:00

On February 26 and 27th, Senators Casey (D-PA), Hatch (R-UT), Dodd (D-CT), Kennedy (D-MA), Brownback (R-KS), and Burr (R-NC) and Representatives Crenshaw (R-FL), Meek (D-FL), Kennedy (D-RI), and McMorris Rodgers (R-WA) introduced the Achieving a Better Life Experience Act (ABLE) of 2009 (S 493/HR 1205). This bill was formerly known as Financial Security Accounts for Individuals with Disabilities (FSAID).

If this bill becomes law, it will allow an account to be held in the name of the individual with a disability. This is important because currently $2000 is the asset limit for individuals receiving benefits under important federal programs such as Medicaid and SSI. Medicaid is the primary source of funding for long-term support services for adults with disabilities. The legislation's intent is to supplement rather than to replace benefits provided by other sources. In addition, money earned on the principal of the trust would not be taxable which means that it can grow tax free.

The accounts have a contribution limit of $500,000. These accounts will give families another tool to use in estate planning along with other mechanisms such as a special needs trust.

I guess the joke's on me, she said

2009-03-12T12:02:00.002-05:00

Isn't it funny how everything works out?
Ok, I really just wanted to use both lines of the NIN song,just because. I don't think I'm the butt of a joke. It really IS funny, though, how things turn out. For serious.
Someone that I did a shoot for offered to take my business cards to a baby-centric expo next weekend. Wouldn't you know it, just in the past two days I've been trying to figure out a way to work a Mother's Day promo. Yesterday I figured out how to do a mock up for a postcard, and also got some of my wholesale inventory (photo bags and a charm w/ necklace) worked out with a better pricing structure. I had intentions of doing a bulk mail- not super awesome returns, but I had no idea it was so inexpensive to buy addresses. Go figure.
I'm looking into a very localized name-recognition push, because this economy sucks and I'm not getting any business just sitting around. Anyway.

So I'm reading these marketing books that I checked out from the library. I'm dinking around with all the edges and filters and frames and brushes and whatnot that I don't really use in Photoshop and making them work to build an advertising postcard that doesn't look like I made it with crayons and paste. I'm doing all this stuff, rather than just spin my wheels doing nothing (which doesn't cost anything, at least, but doesn't pay, either)- and then I get an offer to pass out my stuff to a boatload of pregnant chicks. How awesome is that?

Timing. I'm glad I started thinking about putting something together before today! I'd kick myself if the offer was made and I had nothing but business cards- but even that's something. Yay for hoping this will net some gigs!

special bonus: astigmatism

2009-03-09T17:45:00.003-05:00

So, I've noticed that some of my shots have been in soft focus lately. Things seem good, then once they're all uploaded and on my computer screen... not so much.
I went to the eye doctor today.

I have had perfect vision for my entire life, and now I don't. Apparently my left eye is totally falling down on the job and sucks, and the right eye is a little bad but is overcompensating. Of course the prescription I need had to be special ordered, and so now I'm waiting for contacts. Whee! I am enjoying getting old!

Also I had to hold down Noel for his annual bloodwork today, and they stuck him in both arms.

Still catching up from taking ten days off for the plague. Maybe tomorrow I will be done returning phone calls. In any case, we went out of town for part of the weekend, and this is how much fun we had:

On the mend

2009-03-02T10:26:00.002-05:00

Well, after being thoroughly beaten down by a virus, I seem to be getting better. Yay! Just ick all around. It took me longer to get over the flu than anyone else around here, mostly because I take care of those yo-yos. I don't take the same care with myself, especially when I was on my own with the two kids and all I wanted was to crawl back under my comforter. I didn't have any energy to make myself chicken soup and dole out the extra vitamins and whatnot. So. Next time I just don't get sick, then. Now that that's settled...

The girl. She turned one. I had intentions of making her a little chocolate cupcake, and doing the obligatory kid eating cake photos, but see above re: no energy. The kids will probably be sharing a birthday party in the next few weeks, with the most ultra cute teddy bear cake with cakelets you ever did see (note: I need to learn how to make fondant), but until then, I guess this will have to do, no?
I'm a terrible mother for letting this be the singular note of her actual birth day, but really, it was all I could do to manage this. She got a doll from one gramma, a check from the other, and a couple of sweet cards. She's happy, regardless, I think. And cute, but here, look for yourself:

I never get sick

2009-02-25T08:56:00.002-05:00

So when the rest of my house got the flu, and I didn't, it wasn't a surprise. Besides, I don't have time to be sick.
And then it got me, yesterday. And I feel like a damn truck hit me, and then backed up to run over me again.
This sucks. If I was feeling better, I'd say something productive about my baby's first birthday and her brother's foray into big boy school and his birthday, too.
It'll have to wait, though. I need to crawl back into my bed and let my kids watch cartoons until their eyes fall out and eat snacks under the covers and call it lunch.

reinventing the wheel

2009-02-14T14:15:00.007-05:00

The methylation cycle

I can't just leave well enough alone. Really, I can't. So, along with the restrictive low salicylate diet I have Noel on, I decided to see if we couldn't figure out the basis for the problem- WHY can't he tolerate the salicylate? In a perfect world, this would be something that he'd outgrow and I wanted to help that along if I could. So I started searching. And reading. And searching. Now I'm about halfway through earning my bio-chem degree from Google U, and my head hurts.

Oh, good gravy, how my head hurts.

See, here's the thing: when you eat saliclylates (it's a food chemical- it's one of the things that makes up foods like tomatoes, apricots, zucchini, flaxseed... other seemingly random things), your body processes it. The food goes into your stomach, through your GI system, and along the way, the bits and pieces of stuff that make up the food we eat is taken apart into the base materials- the proteins, the carbs, the fats and whatnot. Your body then uses the parts that it needs, and gets rid of the rest.
Fairly straightforward, right? Right.

So far, as I'm understanding it, when you have Ds, and that 21 chromosome is doing stuff extra, it screws up the breakdown of chemicals. Something to do with the folate cycle, something to do with homocysteine, and something to do with SAM.

Basically, it seems that Noel's body isn't producing the corect ratio of enzymes and things to handle this one particular chemical, salicylate. There is/was some discussion about how all of this relates to cognitive disease (see the Alternative Medicine Review) and cognative ability, and that's interesting, but I just want to be able to have ravioli with tomato sauce for dinner again without my kid's cheeks flushing immediately and his poo to go totally toxic for days afterwards.

Now, I think at this point the easy thing to do would be to say, OK, I give, lets start on the Nutrivene-D program, the one that supplements all the vitamins and uses enzymes and all that stuff, and maybe in a couple of months we can try the damned tomatoes again and be done.
But I'm not doing that. I really think that our bodies can utilize whole food and the appropriate vitamins and whatnot out of that food better than highly processed, lab created individual vitamins. So.

Here I am, halfway through bio-chem nonsense, trying to figure out what we have to do around here to sort this thing out and it's really hard. I will figure it out. Until then, though, my brain will be tired.

and another thing.

2009-02-11T14:50:00.002-05:00

OK, not really. I'm done with the crankypants for now.
Speaking of infertiles, though, any of you out there pregnant and nuts? Not nuts like you're having an entire water polo team, but like me, who couldn't make it through the first tri without renting a doppler?
Yeah, I did. Both times. Dude, that thing where you're scared you won't stay pregnant is FIERCE, let me tell you. So I checked a lot. Even with little miss surprise.

Anyhow, I rented mine from a company that just sent me a 20% off code for stuff, and if anyone wants it, let me know. I'm happy to share.

It has to be said.

2009-02-11T07:50:00.004-05:00

Because my peers aren't the infertiles any longer, I HAVE to say it. I know it's been kicked to death, but omigod. I have to do it. I'm sorry.

Octuplet mom? Here's why this is bad. I mean, for other reasons besides the obvious.
First of all, IVF transfers embryos, doesn't implant them. If we could make the buggers implant, the success rates would be WAY higher than 50%.

Her doctor should be taken out into the street and flogged. Or something. What was done is UNfathomable. Just so far beyond the pale, I can't even wrap my head around it.

I don't always agree with it, but most fertility clinics have a psych eval. I'm guessing that some are more lenient than others, as I've heard of couples/women having to do an actual sit down consult, and we didn't- but I bet if my RE thought that we had some 'issues' there could have been something more formal. This woman should have NEVER gotten past even a loosely attempted screening for the crazy.

When I was in the thick of fertility treatments, I had to explain why you don't 'have a litter' with IVF, but that it could happen with an unmonitored IUI cycle- and that's why good doctors don't DO that. I had to explain that we weren't crazy. I had to explain why we couldn't 'just relax'. I had to say a lot of words for people to understand the hurt and sad and angry that we were going through, and I had to tell people things that I would rather have kept to myself because if I didn't, they'd unintentionally say things that were more painful.

And crazy lady here, well, she just undid that. Made a whole group of women look nuts all over again.

So, in closing, I'd like to add this, because it is apropos of nothing, and I love it.

I'm back!

2009-02-07T09:38:00.002-05:00

Ok, with the exception of the last post, the one about mamabargains, I've been mia. I know.
I wasted two weeks of my life with a stupid hotel promotion/contest, for one. See, there's this website, and they were having a 'all hotel rooms for $1' contest. Somehow I managed to get into the magic window of time (it was a secret 15 minutes per day that the rooms were $1) and I booked a room for us for our trip to New Orleans. I was really stoked, and it was easy. Because it was so easy, I decided to try to hook up another room for my mom, since she's going with us on that trip to watch the kiddos. I waited and waited and waited and waited and the promotion ended last night and I never ever ever caught the magic time frame again.

I'm happy I got the room that I did, because, dude! Free room (really, the company waived the $1 thing, probably due to some sweepstakes/sale legal lingo. whatever) in New Orleans? I'm there.
I can't say that I'm entirely comfortable with the amount of time that I spent with the volume up on the computer, waiting for the page to refresh to the magic (!) time to get a free room. Oh, well. I still win.

Additionally, I spent the past two weeks trying to figure out new and exciting ways to feed Noel rice. I know I've mentioned before that he has a thing with tomatoes. Well, after he kept having random reactions even after we removed tomatoes from his diet, we decided to really get to the bottom of it. Turns out, it's looking more like a problem with salicylates.
Which sucks.
We're doing an elimination diet now, and trialling foods to try and get to the heart of what he can and can't eat. It's going alright, and I'm incredibly grateful for his ability to eat the same pears, brussels sprouts, green beans, turkey, rice, and quinoa (and some other things, too) for days on end. It seems that dairy is ok, but I screwed up and gave him purchased yogurt that had pectin in it (no-no additive, made out of apples and citrus) so we're on the fence there. Trying eggs now, and so far, so good.
At his 3yo annual blood draw, we'll go ahead and add an extra vial or two for formal allergy tests, but until then, it's this.

Also, we've been given the ok for admission into the preschool, we're going to start this year after his birthday. Even though we will probably decline any support from the public school system at this time, we have that IEP intake meeting coming up next week.

All in all, it's been busy. Just like life is, I guess.

Holy cow!

2009-02-04T12:14:00.002-05:00

Vincent's are on Mama Bargains!

First of all, Prince Vince
and the shoes.
And Mama Bargains.

Yay!

penguins and other random things

2009-01-27T08:39:00.002-05:00

So, I decided to scrap the print idea. Turns out, I'm not so motivated to do it, and also, the little market where I was going to try this project is absolutely AWFUL at promotion. So... there will be many people in town, and none of them will know that this lovely little market exists.
Now, as an aside, I found the complete series of that silly penguin, and I had somewhere in the neighborhood of 90 exposures. So the repetitive stuff I had on the website was not even close to representative. Not that it matters, but I wonder what I was thinking in what I chose to put there? I have no idea.

Also, we toured the integrative preschool that I'd like Noel to go to, and it's awesome. I really liked it, Noel liked the younger kid room (where he'd be) and didn't like the bigger kid room (loud! running! chaos!). I think it will be a great fit, and have to wait 3-5 weeks until they get done with their placements for next year to see if we make the cut. I'm excited- now. Talk to me in the fall and we can discuss my panic at sending my wee little boy to SCHOOL. With a BACKPACK. (two days a week, four hours a day, completely within my comfort level, with therapies on-site)

And finally, I filed our taxes last night. I love my two little deductions.

Appealing to the interwebs, again.

2009-01-13T09:36:00.005-05:00

So, I'm thinking about doing a print series, something that would be more in line with an art print, rather than what I actually do regularly, which is portraiture. Everyone that I show this series to seems to enjoy it, everyone says, oh, that's great. This one is my favorite. Blah, blah, blah.
I've had this set of shots for a long time, though, and have been looking at them long enough that I am not objective at all about them. I tried to pester my facebook people to at least look at them (and some did, I know) but I haven't gotten any response as of yet, which means either A) the idea sucks, the penguin is a bust, and nobody in their right mind would buy a black and white print of a penguin (and nobody wants to be the one to say it) or B) all my friends are busy and/or lazy.
I really do want to hear opinions on them. Even if the answer is, "No, I can't imagine anyone would buy that as an impulse purchase 5x7 matted print". My idea is to throw some local print art into a small Saturday morning market locally (and, as an added bonus, increase my 'real' portrait thing visibility).

Thanks, internets. Here's a quickie thing I pulled together for viewing some time ago, so it's not great, but it's there.
Penguin gallery.

Quick! Stab me in the eye!

2009-01-08T15:09:00.002-05:00

An eye stabbing would be preferable to the amount of hassle this transition this seems to be working into. Seriously.

First of all, our speech therapist and I have been calling the EI coordinator for months now- easily for 8 weeks. No response. None. Nothing. Not even the faxed correction of a typo that ended our therapy benefits two weeks before the end of the year... but our PT was out on vacation, and it was the holidays, so I didn't hate having two weeks off. It shouldn't have happened, absolutely not. I didn't bitch because like I said, I didn't mind having the free time. It still shouldn't have happened.

Noel will be three in ten weeks. We're supposed to have started the transition paperwork or review or something- four months ago. But, of course, we couldn't get a phone call returned, let alone an appointment for whatever we need to do.

I got a call from our SLP this afternoon- she FINALLY got a live voice at the end of the phone call (I was about fifteen minutes from calling the higher ups and really tearing into them). The coordinator apparently didn't realize we were outside of our IFSP, didn't realize that we were aging out of the program, and I'm assuming there was no mention of all the unreturned phone calls. Magically, we're scheduled for an appointment with the next set of bureaucracy in less than two weeks.

Thrilled. I just want to get this over with. Now, I understand that the IEP is a bigger deal than the IFSP that we've had so far. I've been very relaxed about the goals for those- pretty much followed our therapists lead because I trust them and also because it's been pretty obvious what comes next- steps, walking, words, sounds, signs. Pointing to 5 body parts. Taking 5 independent steps.

Is there a Cliff's notes on "Your child's first IEP"? What do I need to know, in bulletpoints?

So... that thing I said...

2009-01-07T08:37:00.002-05:00

Yesterday when I was all, school, ick, no full day, blah blah blah. Remember that?

Right. So I finally checked, and the integrated church preschool DOES have a T/TH program for Noel. I'm filling out the waiting list form today and we'll be going on the tour when they do another one (they do that monthly).

Let's pretend like I didn't do all that bellyaching, because we're all better now. As better as we're going to get now, months and months before it actually happens.
And even though it's a church school, which I'm not totally crazy about, who doesn't need to learn to love their neighbor? It's alright. I grew up in church, and I'm reasonably ok, right? Ha. Maybe we need to rethink this.

No, really. The program is fantastic. It really, really is. The woman who founded the program has a daughter with Down syndrome. The school was founded at least 20, maybe 25 years ago. Been around, been doing the integration thing since before it was the thing to do. I'm confident that it's solid. They have a therapy team that comes to them.
It'll be perfect, as long as we don't get the boot for having an immunization exemption for the sprouts. Because it's a private school, they really don't HAVE to let us in if they don't want to, and a non-vaxxed kid might raise eyebrows. Or not. You never can tell about stuff like that. So. I'm taking in our waiting list form and check. We're getting the ball rolling, with or without our official transition from EI.

And we got a letter from our mortgage company that our mortgage payments were going up as of February's payment (nope, it's a 30 year fixed- it's just an escrow discrepancy) and this morning I got an email from AMEX that I'm getting a credit limit decrease (after I took some of my shiny new business profit and paid down the balance a bit) and the husband took a little bit of a pay cut last year. So the money situation, it isn't looking all that good. It's not all that bad, either, but it's certainly starting to pinch.

But I'm a brand new member of the Professional Photographers Association and got a whole bunch of new ideas on how to market to my upscale mommies. I only hope they still have money, because I need to get a couple of gigs, right?
As soon as my camera gets back from the factory. Again. It better work right when it comes home.

transition

2009-01-06T15:49:00.004-05:00

So, Tricia said something about starting school and all that. Out of EI, into school and big kid territory.

Let me preface this with a few things:
a) we have a really bad EI coordinator.
b) our insurance covers limited therapy for Noel.
c) I'm absolutely not going to send my 3 year old into the public school system (five days a week, from 7-2) just for services.

I wish we had a decent coordinator taking care of the transition, because that should already be started- Noel will be three in 10 weeks. She's gone AWOL, though, and repeated calls from both me and our therapists have gone un-returned. I know that Noel is eligible for speech through the school system, even if we don't place him in a class. What I have to do to make that happen, I don't know.

I know there is an integrated preschool here- one of our playgroup friends goes there. It's a church school, and I'm not super into the church school thing, but it's an option. 50/50 typical to special needs (what are we saying these days to be PC?). They let out at noon, which isn't 2, but it's still a long day for a little boy. I don't believe they have a shorter week available- because ideally, I'd like to start with a 2 day a week program. So there's that.

I'm leaning towards keeping him home with me and Darrah, though. Is that crazy?
We would just keep doing what we're doing now, which is going to the aquarium and signing fish and talking about vegetables at the grocery store and singing songs and counting the dog's legs and finding our bellies.
At three, is there really a lot more? Do we have to have a structured day?
My gut is telling me "no".

New Year

2008-12-31T06:52:00.002-05:00

Well, the bathroom we started last year (see here) is at exactly the same spot it was when Darrah was born. Which is to say, everything is done but the last sanding of drywall mud (which precedes the primer, paint, and wall accent tiles)- which means there's no finish to the project. I'm starting to get tired of looking at the purple of unfinished walls, but the rest of the room is gorgeous.
Maybe my New Year's resolution will be to nag the husband into finishing that. I don't really do the resolution thing.

Anyway. You know how sometimes, you're reminded of how far behind your kid is? How you realize that babies born at the same time or after are just light years ahead? That feeling blows, truly, even when you're normally very accepting of the situation. Every once in a while it sneaks up on me, and I get blindsided by the walking, talking, story-telling, logical "typical" almost threes.

But then there's the rest of the time, like last night- when we take two kids out to big people dinner, and my daughter ate seaweed salad and my son ate sushi. When Noel practiced his walking, walking, walking, and Darrah flirted with the entire restaurant. When our 'drinking friends' (who have all grown up, but we're the only ones married with kids) are smitten by our babies, as they should be.

When we first got Noel's diagnosis, I remember the first thing that started to pull me out of the new diagnosis black hole- it was that we could still go out to brunch. That everything good that we liked to do... we could still do. Looking back, it seems terribly obvious, but at the time, I forgot that everything wasn't changing, even though it felt that way. It's when we're doing the everyday things- going out to dinner with old friends, for instance- I feel the weight of the realization that everything is just fine- it's our life. And it's really perfect, just the way it is.

Happy New Year!

cookie monster

2008-12-30T09:33:00.002-05:00

Noel helped me make sugar cookies. Sort of.

Know what I love?

2008-12-29T14:50:00.006-05:00

Hanna Andersson.
On sale, too.
Especially when everyone gave us Christmas money for the kids, and I spent a little pile of it on Darrah, so she can be cuter than all the other babies in town.
I so don't lie. Cutest girl ever.

Oh, and a Hanna secret?
Go to the virtual catalog, and you can sometimes get stuff that's on sale but not in the 'sale' listings.

So clueless.

2008-12-28T14:14:00.000-05:00

So, the last time I had a video game thing? My Gameboy, circa 1986. My mom still plays Tetris on it. The clear protective face has come off, and it's shaped like a brick, but the little green screen and dots get the job done.
You can imagine my shock when I got (erm, WE got) a Wii. I wanted the Yoga doohickey, and like magic, there it was, right under my mom's tree.
I'm noticing that I have zero idea how video games work these days.

Anyway, I made a little handful of little Mii-ple, a little Darrah, Noel, and one of me. The husband made his own. Now when we do the bowling thing, the kids are there in the background. Pretty cute.
I have no concept of the Mii parade or why my Mii-s should mingle (but they can). Hmm.

Happy Christmas, indeed. I hope everyone's was as good as ours.

Happy Christmas, again.

2008-12-24T17:38:00.002-05:00

So, we're in the thick of another holiday season, and we're getting the kids ready for the first of grandparent hopping. It'll all be over soon enough, though, and the new year looms. With it comes an issue I have... a themed New Year's Eve party.

When everyone is done with their holiday stuff, and get around to reading this, give me your opinion, wouldja?

Eighties NYE- early 80s, mid 80s, or late? I was in middle school in the late 80s, so I can do rattrap mall bangs, teal eyeshadow, and two colors of socks- btdt, you know. The early to mid 80s with neons and that one shoulder sweatshirt deal and Madonna-look stuff was really before I came into my own as far as dressing myself went, but I can do it. Jelly bracelets and that sort of thing.

Any other thoughts on this would be helpful, too. You know, I saw leggings and a one shoulder, boxy, long sweater in a store the other day. You'd think we would have learned- the 80s weren't pretty, as I recall.

more important than my whine

2008-12-19T14:11:00.001-05:00

kittens on parade

2008-12-19T09:33:00.003-05:00

So, Noel has been absolutely tiring the past few days. If not in constant contact with me, he dissolves into a pile of tears. If his sister cries, he dissolves into a pile of tears. If asked to hold his own sippy cup, he dissolves into a pile of tears. You get the drift. At first, we thought he was coming down with something, because this is totally not like him, not one bit. So I waited for a fever or a sniffle or something, which never happened.

We hit a crying peak two days ago, and while it's still happening, it's getting better- as in, I can refill my coffee and get back to the kids before the saddest boy in the world returns.

In this crazyhouse, then, I've been editing the engagement photos I took last weekend. I wasn't able to put the full amount of attention to them that I normally would, but nonetheless, I'm very happy with them, and like what I have. My big complaint is that I don't have as much as I would like in the proof gallery, not really the quality of what's there. So I shoot the bride an email a couple of days ago, telling her that I only have a couple images up, but that I'd be getting more in there soon. She tells me that she really likes what's there and can't wait to see what else goes in. (to paraphrase, 'oh! those are awesome! I can't wait to see what else you have for us!)

I finished last night, sent the bride the full proof gallery, and this morning I get another email (again, generally paraphrased)- "I'm really not very photogenic, and I only like two of the pictures you put up to begin with, and none of the ones you put up later". Now I'm trying to figure out exactly what she doesn't like, and see if I can't salvage something or even reshoot if necessary. But man, this SUCKS.

In happier news, though, Noel was crawling around the living room last night, meowing like a cat. Darrah was plowing along behind him, singing bah-bah-bah.
Pretend play, woohoo! My kids are funny enough to make the boo-hoo week we've had worthwhile.

It's early!

2008-12-16T09:24:00.002-05:00

The lineup for JazzFest will be released today.
I am spectacularly excited, and waiting around my computer for the announcement. (not really, we cancelled therapy for a car issue, and I'm at the computer when the kids let me edit photos)

And to the commenter who thought I was pregnant again at the last post... oh, dear god, no. Thankfully. Not that I'm saying that there's no #3... just that we aren't even having that conversation yet. Babies are nice, I like them, and my mindset on having more changes every time the wind blows. Immediately after the girl made her appearance, I was sure that was the end. I was NEVER going to do that again. About two days later I changed my mind, because while she's loud and determined and came out screaming and never really stopped- man, babies are awesome little critters.
So. We'll see. Later... way later than today.

two down, three to go

2008-12-12T14:29:00.003-05:00

Maternity shoot went ok. Could have been better, but it was fine. Tomorrow is a family Christmas photo followed immediately by an engagement photo.
Sunday is another family Christmas session, but it's been rescheduled once due to the mom having contractions, so who knows. Maybe THAT should have been a maternity session.

I feel like I should be taking the appointments when they're available, but in the future, I think I'll limit my sessions to 3 a week. This is too busy for me (a complaint I don't mind, though, considering the alternative).

that guy from Scrubs

2008-12-11T15:22:00.002-05:00

Y'all know Dr. Cox, aka John C McGinley, has a son with Down syndrome. No? Well, you do now. He did an interview with Exceptional Parent, a mag for pros and families to the special needs community. Here's my favorite part.

EP: As someone with years of experience and great success in the entertainment industry, how do you feel about the portrayal of individuals with disabilities in television and film?

JCM: Well, I have a pretty strong feeling about that. Mostly as it pertains to kids with Down syndrome because kids with Down syndrome have the physical markers of a person with challenges. I mean, you see some kids with autism, and you wouldn’t know until you saw either their behavior – or something. Well, kids with Down syndrome have markers and so when you see cowards like the “Ben Stillers of the world” producing profoundly mediocre films like Tropic Thunder and dropping the word “retard” 17 times in five minutes… well, I’ll tell you something, when I see Ben, that just makes me want to pick on HIM now. Because there’s no militant arm of the National Down Syndrome Society (NDSS) that’s going to respond to a transgression—like there is in the Jewish community with the Anti Defamation League. Or, God forbid, you go and say something against African Americans; you’re going to have the NAACP in your kitchen. We don’t have the militant arm at NDSS. We have kids who when THEY go to a protest, it looks funny because they ARE so nice, and you know damn well they would rather have a hug than hold a placard. So it really cuts me to the core. And it feels to me like the perfect storm of cowardice when you pick on people who can’t return serve. So for Ben Stiller—who directed Tropic Thunder—he is just such a punk coward.

EP: So Ben Stiller is not a friend of yours?

JCM: He couldn’t possibly be a friend of mine. Because he worked with the Farrelly brothers—doing Something About Mary—and the Farrelly brothers have championed a lot of special needs causes. So there is no way that you’re not—if you’re Ben stiller—aware that you’re perpetuating a negative stigma and that you’re doing something hurtful. And so while I don’t want to be another actor who’s going to tell somebody how to talk and what’s politically correct and what’s not, if you are aware that you’re hurting either caregivers or the people with Down syndrome, what’s the upside? I don’t like any exclusionary language. I hate it. Because all it does it perpetuate negative stigmas about different groups. And where’s the upside? The upside, I assume, is when people use language like that is that someone is trying to elevate themselves by denigrating whoever the subject is. And it doesn’t work that way. It just makes you a jackass. And I loathe it. I hate bullies and that, to me, is like bully language. I loathe it.

good gawd

2008-12-10T14:01:00.002-05:00

I have a maternity shoot in less than two hours.
It's for a non-profit group- a teen mom birth class. A maternity shoot was offered as a bribe to get the girls to stay for the whole class. I volunteered ages ago, and forgot about it until last Thursday. There are three girls.
I have an hour and a half to make them all glow, with only a completely portable studio setup that I've thrown together.

I hope I can pull it off. I'm nervous.
(and re: that weird camera thing? I can't replicate it. I've tried and tried. Gonna hit up the local repair shop for a loaner while they ship it back for the second repair at the factory)

good/bad

2008-12-08T09:43:00.003-05:00

Well, there's good news, and there's bad news. First of all, all that whining and griping about not being good at what I choose to be my big girl job... well. That's all directly related to the fact that I wasn't getting any gigs. Now?
I'm all kinds of booked. Like, more than I originally decided I would accept in a week overbooked. Three girls on Wednesday, double booked on Saturday, one yesterday, and one Thursday. I've got stuff going on, oh, yes.
Nice, right? That's the good news. People like me, they really like me!

The bad news, though, is that my camera started acting like a fool halfway through the shoot yesterday, and now I am very concerned that I will have a non-working camera on the one occasion when I'm double, triple, super busy. And I can't have that. Today I'm going to try to recreate the bad thing, and hopefully we can blame the memory card. If not, if it really is the camera, I'm still under warranty. But I still can't be without a camera, and I can't have a broken one, either. I (stupidly) still don't really have a backup body, so you know, I suck. I have approximately seven katrillion film cameras- 35mm, medium format, whatever. Canons, Pentax, Kodak, Bronica, an Exa... but no backup digital body.

My husband was unprepared for the amount of crazy I bring to being self-employed. I spent the better part of last night fretting over the ten files (out of 200) that were bad. And stressed outrageously over the fact that the stupid camera might be crap.
At least I'm busy.

damn chickens

2008-12-03T15:44:00.003-05:00

She's alive. I know because the stupid bird is sitting next to the coop trying to figure out a way to get back in.
If I thought I could catch her to put her in, I would, but I know she'd spook and off she'd go, into the trees again. I'm leaving her alone until hopefully, in an hour or two, she'll fall asleep where she is and I can grab her then. With any luck, right?
This hen better lay me a damn egg tomorrow, and it better be the best egg I've ever eaten.

I'm making the husband talk to the crate stealers.

final update:
Stupid chicken is back in the coop. It took about 30 hours.
Crate neighbors decided to 'help' me catch the chicken, apparently. Granted, I wasn't having any luck, so it's not like it was a problem... but weird.
Back to your regularly scheduled non-chicken on the loose activities.

dead or alive?

2008-12-03T10:56:00.003-05:00

I don't know. She was alive at 9:30, because I found her foraging around on the street behind us. Trying to catch a chicken with two babies in tow is not possible, trust me. I chased her around a little, through someone's yard, in the street... the people in my neighborhood must really wonder about my sanity. I left a small dog crate with a bowl full of chicken feed and popcorn across from where she was hanging out.
Left the scene for about an hour. I just went back, and the bowl of bribes is untouched, and there are two cats hanging around the yard where I left her. As a prey animal, and a high flying one, at that, I hope she's managed to escape the cats, but I don't know where she got off to. That thing about chickens coming home to roost? Not true in our case. She chose an oak tree, about twenty feet up. If she manages to stay alive, I don't see us catching her easily. I'll keep trying, though. To the entire neighborhood's amusement, I'm sure.

Update!
Well. A neighbor on the street behind us, next door to the abandoned house where I left the crate with bowl of bribes, has absconded with the crate. It's sitting in their fenced front yard. I thought about just taking it back, but don't really want to go into someone's fenced yard. I discovered this new development when I had given up on the plan to retrieve the chicken, and wanted to bring the crate home. I have been checking on the crate every half hour - hour, and had said good morning to that neighbor this morning already; yesterday I saw the same neighbor in our shared alley. It's not like they didn't know what it was for, or that I wouldn't be back.
How bizarre.

flew the coop

2008-12-02T20:43:00.002-05:00

dammit. There's a chicken on the loose in our neighborhood. Right now she's roosting in a tree across the alley from our house- the house is vacant, so as long as she stays put I have a little more leeway in catching her in the morning.

stupid chicken.

I'm not as awesome as I'd like to believe.

2008-12-01T14:48:00.002-05:00

It's true. Remember my friend? The one that got a positive amnio?
She decided to terminate.
That's ok. I fully believe that everyone has to come to these decisions on their own, and I know that no one WANTS to have an abortion. Trust me, I know. I know it's not any kind of reflection of me or my kid, and the feeling that a baby like mine isn't good enough for someone who decides not to continue with a known T21 pregnancy... well. Everyone has to travel down their own road. This I believe.

The part that bugs me, though, is this part. When I first heard about the whole situation, it was like this: she found out she was pregnant, they got married, they moved several states away. That's really hard, really stressful, and I don't know that I would have made those choices, but there ya go. It's what happened.
The termination, however, is being framed like this: it was too early in the relationship for any pregnancy, not just this one. I would be totally supportive of that logic if it was early in the pregnancy, if they hadn't decided to go and get married and move because of it. It was totally acceptable for the first four months to be totally gung ho lets get married and have babies and live happily ever after tra la la.
Now it's too much? That's a cop out.
It's none of my business, but that kind of pisses me off.

thanks giving

2008-11-26T22:00:00.001-05:00

So, truly and honesty, I am grateful for my little family. They make me crazy, I threaten to send the babies to the gypsies and the husband to the chicken house, but I wouldn't dare trade them.
My planned and hoped for baby, my Noel, who turned our world on its ear. I'm amazed every day at how much I didn't know before. If I had had my way, I would have had a typically easy to attain pregnancy, followed by a midwife assisted birth, and my completely perfect in every way and above average kid would be amazing and astounding everyone with his perfection.

Instead, I fought long and hard, I battled stupid doctors and gave myself hormone injections. I got into fights with my husband about how far to go with treatments, I worried about the monetary cost and the toll the road we were on was taking on our marriage. I had miscarriages, I had chemical pregnancies, I had many, many failed cycles. Then I got pregnant, and for the first several months, it was just like I expected. I was really, really good at being pregnant, and I as enjoying every second of it.
And then I had a prolonged relationship with the completely non-crunchy perinatologist. And I got booted from the birth center. And I got the diagnosis of Down syndrome. And my supposed to be perfect everything came crashing down around my feet. And I had to have a c-section. And I was afraid, and not having a good time, and it wasn't just like I expected. (as an aside, though, our wedding had to be completely replanned at the very last minute and there was that infertility thing, and you know? I should have known things change.. but.)
But then Noel was born, and I found out that what you expect and what you get aren't always the same thing, but good god, sometimes it's so much better.
I am thankful for Noel, not only because he was so hard to get- but because if he had been a typical baby, I would have been an ignorant insufferable bitch, I think. Not directly because of him having DS, either, but because I wouldn't have had all my plans undone. I would have never understood how things can change without your approval, so quickly, so totally.

After all that, I was feeling pretty good about myself, that I could be prepared for the unexpected and roll with it, you know?

But one day, we got rear ended, and I felt funny in a 'not like a car accident' way. Not that I could actually be pregnant, not with the history of Noel's beginnings in a petri dish. Of course, I was. Darrah's entire existence has been like that; surprise!
But not like Noel's surprises, more in an absurd way than anything else.
Surprise! You're pregnant! (not possible)
Surprise! She's over eight pounds! (I'm not even 5' tall)
Surprise! She's standing! (at 7.5 months?)
Surprise! She's got eight teeth! (all at once, too)

Her surprises are more like we notice the thing, shrug our shoulders, and say, "of course. it's not normal or typical or expected, but it's Darrah. Of course." And she just does things... she just does. She's pulling herself up to a stand and cruising on some things. That's my girl, doing.
She's practicing with her superior pincer grasp.
She's going to break her father's heart.

I am so very grateful for my husband, even though he truly does make me want to stab him in the eye with a spoon. I cannot think of another person I would dare go through this whole crazy rollercoaster with, not anyone in the world. We argue and stomp around occasionally, but when it comes down to it, I think we're good. I remember seeing the increased divorce rates for people who go through infertility, and then the increased divorce rates for couples with children who have special needs, and it just seems like sometimes we're really on the short end of that stick. We're still married, and still plugging along at it. We're probably both too stubborn to ever bother getting divorced, anyhow.

So.
For my firstborn, who impresses me all the time with his accomplishments and the work that goes into them, and my second born, who doesn't have to try nearly as hard, but impresses me with the ease in which she does them. For my husband who shakes his head and lets me be the mayor of crazytown, and our little house that needs all kinds of old-house work. For the chickens, because who saw that coming? For the dog we have and the dog we lost, and the tiny little pond in the backyard and the four fish in it. For the relatives that love us, even though we roll our eyes at them. For our friends and our neighbors.

I am grateful. Happy Thanksgiving, and may all the side dishes be delicious.

Thanks, Felicity!

2008-11-26T08:44:00.002-05:00

Looks like Australia didn't want to be the bad guy, after all.
I mean, on the one hand, I can understand why it's a blanket rule- if you have socialized medicine, the cost of it is a genuine concern. Sometimes I think the cost of things shouldn't be measured in dollars. Which is lucky, because apparently we're all in for a bumpy ride around the checkbook area, right?
Only, I haven't written a check in nineteen gazillion years. But I have one, and there isn't much actual cash behind it, anyhow.

Hmm. Ramble much? Here's the Australia story:
Dr doesn't get the boot from AU

watch this.

2008-11-25T09:39:00.002-05:00

My mother in law sent me this link, and she's a pretty good judge of worthwhile stuff on the internet. It's no spaghetti cat, but it won't turn you stupid, either.

Thw Wisdom Project

success

2008-11-23T08:13:00.002-05:00

Operation Rooster went off without a hitch. We arrived at the chicken swap and as soon as I put Pixie's crate down (I mean, as soon as my husband put it down. You think I'd be carrying a dog crate full of rooster with Darrah in my back carrier? Right) we had a lady and her husband and their cutie little three-ish girl standing there, all interested like in him. Pixie, not my husband. Or Noel, for that matter.
The lady asked me how much I wanted for him, and I told her truthfully- as long as he isn't in my backyard, and preferably not dinner, I didn't care. She gave me five bucks. I was happy. Pixie is going to be the rooster for a SEVENTEEN hen, free ranging flock. I'd say that's a decent rooster life, don't you think?

And then we got around to filling up the crate all over again, with two Key West hens. They're within weeks of laying, so we should have eggs sooner than we expected with the original pullets.

Because we were in Gainesville, we had to stop at Burrito Brothers, and it was game day (of course). Can I tell you what kind of looks you get from the drunk and/or stoned college kids with two hens in the front seat and two carseats in the back? It was awesome.

Now we've got two hens in quarantine, and I'm at the absolute limit of how many hens will fit in my little backyard. Eggs are coming soon, though. Yay!

Crisis Averted!

2008-11-21T08:47:00.000-05:00

I know everyone was concerned about my frostbitten toes and whatnot, but thankfully, last night's low was nowhere near 30. Or 40, for that matter. At eight this morning, it's a balmy 60 degrees... but we've got another cold front rolling in. Low to mid 40's tomorrow morning- and I can't just cancel our weekend because I need a heat lamp. We're driving north tomorrow to rehome Mr Pixie, the unfortunately named rooster.
But!
As a consolation prize, I may be coming home with two Key West chickens, so I am very excited. I found a photo, and normally I'm not a big fan of HDR photography, but I do really like this shot of the chicken. You can see how they're pretty leggy birds. Scrappy little buggers.
Some guy who wrote a photography book but more importantly, took a picture of a chicken in Key West.
As an aside, not too far from where the photo was taken there's an awesome French bakery where you can get a croissant to die for.

I'm really a good mom.

2008-11-20T08:00:00.002-05:00

But I don't care, I'm calling to cancel Noel's PT today.
1) It's freaking COLD. I don't feel like finding all the assorted and sundry bits and pieces to bundle two kids for 40 degree weather. I barely know where two pairs of socks are, let alone long pants and sweaters and long sleeved shirts. We live in FLORIDA for fuck's sake. There's a reason- we don't normally see cold-cold like this until January.
2)I promised a friend of ours that I would give her a hand. She just moved into her first house, practically in our backyard, and needs me to give her a hand listing her extra crap on craigslist. I'll be taking both munchkins along, which should be lots of entertainment... and I try to limit my days to
3)It's also playgroup day. Our Thursdays are always busy- we go from therapy to playgroup with the most brief stop in between for lunch. Nothing new in running ragged on Thursdays, but there's no speech today, as our therapist is in Vegas, baby. So we would go from PT to home for lunch to playgroup to friend's house to daddy's home to dinner. Do you see a nap in there? No? Me, either.

It's cold. I'm not leaving this house until the sun comes out and it gets above 50. (and yep, I was born here. I'm not a northern transplant, I'm a native- a rarity, and I'm cold. Sue me.)

uh oh

2008-11-12T09:54:00.004-05:00

I think one of my girl chicks is really a boy chick.
It's not definite, but there are some things that make me wonder. I'm reserving my final opinion until I can get somebody who knows more than me to take a look, but we can't have a roo.
If I'm right, we'll have to rehome the little guy, and I'd like to send him somewhere that he can live out his chicken life getting some chicken tail and eating bugs, but I know most roosters go to the freezer farm.
Hmm.

New information indicates that we have two hens and a rooster. Damn.

brag, brag, brag...

2008-11-11T17:27:00.003-05:00

I know. Noel's PT eval; well, I didn't actually hear the result. Our therapist planned on sitting down with the actual paper after we left. I know for a fact that he's making progress, but I also know that he is most significantly delayed with gross motor. I know. I just don't really care, much. He'll walk, sometime. When he's ready.

But our speech therapist went ahead and checked off all the little boxes while we were there today, and our latest language evaluation said this:
Expressive language, 18-24 months
Receptive language, 24 months with scattered skills to 30 months.

Wouldn't you know it? He's 31 months old. That's not so bad, if you ask me. It's certainly not the life of dismal intelligence I thought we were subject to when we got our diagnosis. Not that it really matters, because he's my boy, and I love him anyway. It's just one more way, though, that we were SO wrong.

Hack, revisited

2008-11-10T09:34:00.002-05:00

So, I got a print order from my last portrait client. I did a final proof of the files and sent it to the company I use for printing. From them the prints go directly to the client. I got an email yesterday morning: "The black and white print looks alright, but the color ones are way too dark. They don't look anything like what we saw on screen" (I use an online gallery system)

Now I'm in the process of having a reprint- awesome guarantee with the printer I use, so it's not a huge big deal, but still. I don't like having things go wrong. I don't like that the end product didn't look exactly as it should have.
And I especially don't like that it was my fault. Fixable, of course, but still it was a problem on my end. Blech.

confident

2008-11-07T06:26:00.004-05:00

I put off a pretty solid vibe, I think. If I'm not feeling totally confident that I can do something, I generally fake it until I do (and as an aside, if I don't know the answer to something, I will sometimes guess, and if you sound like you know, people believe you).
Anyway.
There are a lot of "photographers" in my area. The vast majority of them are totally worthy of the air quotes I'd use if I was talking to you face to face- "photographers"= some yahoo that got a nice dSLR and a scrap of muslin and now they're using their free craigslist ad and a super cheap website to hawk their services. Cheap.
Especially when you're talking about kid photography, and especially around the holidays.

Now, I've had actual portrait experience. From whiz-bang get'em in, get'em out huge numbers of kiddie shots before naptime to crappy studio work to much better studio work. I've done dogs and high school seniors with horses and newborns and pregnant chicks and eighteen month old twins (this was REALLY hard) and twenty person families.
I have done more critiqued black and white film art classes than I can count. I've processed my own film and developed my own negatives from the time I was 13. The kid work I've done started before I was pregnant with my own kid, although my own kids are what I use to practice some things these days- they weren't the impetus to 'be a photographer', with the flex schedule and the (what seems like) easy work.

There are some photographers in my area that do absolutely gorgeous work. They make me a little nervous. Not much, though, because there's always going to be someone better than you (me) at something- competition is usually a good thing.

But right now? I feel like a hack. I have business cards, and I'm telling people I've started freelancing again. Yesterday I volunteered for a young moms childbirth class to donate a newborn shoot (it's a prize, used to bribe the girls into staying for the whole class) and that doesn't bother me- once I get a commission, I know how to be a professional. I worry that people will assume that I'm one of the ones that's just trying to make a few bucks. I hope that my website looks polished enough that it's clear I'm not just starting. I hope that my portfolio doesn't scream 'part-time mommy shooter'. Because I'm not swimming in clients at the moment, I start second guessing myself, and I worry that I'm not good enough. My husband has the 'real' job, and while we budgeted for our bills and mortgage payments without the monthly bonus that he usually gets, the bonus is looking a little shaky lately. This economy is really starting to hurt. It would be really nice if I could pull in a couple extra dollars, for serious.

I have one family's Christmas card portrait session coming up, an engagement session after that, and in December I have a large family portrait session. It would be nice if I had more than the three in two months... but I'm glad to at least have that.

I want to find a way to market myself that isn't expensive, but doesn't put me in the same pile as the, ah, less serious shooters. So I can work on that, and doing something is better than worrying about it. The more pricey things will have to wait- stuff like joining PPA and SPKA or pulling ads in the local parenting glossy free mag I see laying around all over the place.

In the meantime, today I'm taking the kids to a downtown fresh market and on Sunday we start our CSA pickups. That's more fun than thinking about finances, anyhow.

Hell yeah, we did.

2008-11-05T08:06:00.002-05:00

I tried to stay awake longer, I really did. We made brownies and popcorn and I made dinner in the crockpot so I could sit in front of the television and watch the polls close. And I made it in the living room until about 10, and moved to the bedroom where I dozed, missing chunks of electoral points, but woke up to see in blazing letters across the bottom of the screen- CNN projection: Barack Obama.

And then our neighborhood started shooting off fireworks. People were in the alley behind our house, shouting to the world that 'now, there ain't nuthin' we can't do'.
I worried about the chickens, and thought, man, those fireworks sound bigger than what got dragged out for New Year's Eve or the 4th. The husband was a little annoyed, because- well- it was late, and we were tired. And we live in a loud neighborhood (come on, really? y'all haven't figured that out yet? On a major busy street, old house, big city... we live in a section of town that is partially gentrified, partially section 8 and that's ok with us)
So anyhow, it got loud. I fell asleep anyway. I woke up to the actual numbers... Florida went blue! BLUE! And three states still are undetermined. And the last photo shoot I did has a print order.

All is looking up, you know?

And I thought everybody already voted

2008-11-04T07:13:00.003-05:00

Seriously, the lines have been outrageously long here for early voting. Husband just texted me from our polling place, and four minutes after it opened, the line was halfway around the block.
It's just mindboggling, the turnout, or at least how it looks from here. I've been to three different early voting places in the last week, and at every one, there was a wait of at least 45 minutes.
And maybe things are different around here, but this time, it's not a choice between the better of two evils- the vast majority of people I've talked to are genuinely excited. Then again, most of the people I'm talking to are Obama supporters, so that probably has something to do with it.

I just hope that we can get out of today and into a new presidency, one that isn't hallmarked by fear and hate and intolerance. Wouldn't it be nice?

Nice going, Australia.

2008-10-31T14:10:00.002-05:00

I guess we can check off down under as one of the places we'd go if McCain wins.
Oh, well.
Story here (DC radio page)or here(USA Today story).

5 months

2008-10-31T08:20:00.002-05:00

That's when we're planning on doing our refi- and rolling into that the kitchen remodel money. I am very excited.
For today, though, I still have a broken dishwasher and an undetermined amount of water damage to the floor joists. Luckily, there are about seven jillion people selling dishwashers on craigslist and my dad's got a pickup. So, seeing as how I've got that well in hand, I'm planning on the rest of the kitchen. The husband wants retro 50's, I don't. My idea is better, of course, so I win- not to mention I'm the one with the magic money-stretcher gene and I do all the legwork.

So I have five months to scare up an unrestored but restorable stove (because I don't have the 9 grand in the kitchen budget for this one):

and icebox:

Unfortunately, I think that this project is going to be hard, and will have to be attacked on many fronts- so shortly, we will be enlisting the assistance of an out of state parent who frequents farmhouse auctions. Hopefully everything will come together, because in my head? It's really pretty.

Seriously, shoot me now.

2008-10-30T08:38:00.004-05:00

Right now.
Because after the bathroom debacle, I know full well what this means, and it frightens me more than a week of no naps. Last night the husband finally got down on the kitchen floor to see why the dishwasher wasn't working. I helpfully told him that I could hear the water running, but it wasn't coming out of the water shooty thing. I really hoped it was clogged or blocked or something that could be fixed with a screwdriver.

And when we pulled the front off of the dishwasher, there was a puddle of water and a very musty smell, indicating that the water has been going there for longer than the dishwasher hasn't been working. So, now we're in the market for a new dishwasher, but as with the bathroom, a pile of water damage to the structure of THIS house means bad news in a much bigger variety. In the bathroom, it meant we went all the way down to the sills. If you don't know what that means, I'll find you a picture:

See how the floor joists are resting on a brand new 2x4 around the bottom of the walls? That's the sill. All we had in the bathroom and laundry room were walls and the actual ground- our four feet of crawl space under the house. It was a Big.Deal. Now we have some kitchen thing coming- not that I don't want a new kitchen, I do. I really, really hate the kitchen as it is now. But we're still paying for the bathroom, and there's not a lot to spare for a kitchen. And by not a lot, I mean, maybe a little negative. Minus money. It would be better if someone came up to me and offered to pay me to fix the kitchen. Then maybe it would happen.

Not to mention that when we did the bathroom, we found out that there's no support under the same corner of the kitchen where the water is puddling... so no support plus water damaged wood. yay.

But in happier news, I scored two tickets to the Jimmy Buffet-Obama rally Sunday. Go, me!

I love the teevee

2008-10-28T07:47:00.001-05:00

Well, not ALL the teevee, but I do love pieman.

Check The Box

2008-10-26T06:48:00.002-05:00

So, Jen passed a little note. And i just wanted to pass it back, and say, me, too. This silly blog, which had three readers (maybe) for years, all of a sudden had lots more when I found myself in the really scary place. Even when I didn't think it helped- I found out that it did. Not only that, I found that there were other people like me out there- something that I knew about the interwebs and blogging and message boards already, because that was where I found some IVF friends, people that coached me through and cheered me on during that hard thing. But that hard thing gave way to another, smaller community; one that I was afraid of, and one that I didn't want to be any part of. Turns out, I like it here.

So, to you guys, my note passed back says-

buddy walk today!

2008-10-25T06:30:00.003-05:00

Today's the Buddy Walk that we really like, and we're going.
Yay! Granted, it's far away, but it's more fun than the one that's local. Oh, well.

I love the mailman!

2008-10-24T15:35:00.003-05:00

Well, today I do- only one campaign flyer and a box! For me!
It was my brand new wallet! Yeah, I'm a wallet girl, and a minimalist one, at that. I've been using the driver's license insert part that I scavenged from my husband's wallet for years. Really. It holds the credit cards on one side, and my ID and AAA card and insurance card on the other. That's all I carry with me, most of the time- if it doesn't fit in a pocket, I don't need it. Some of my maternity pants/shorts didn't have pockets, and that was truly unfortunate. Anyway, it's been a while and this thing I've been using is coming apart at the seams. Big surprise, it's OLD.
And this is the new one. Pretty, huh?

couldn't blog

2008-10-23T08:01:00.005-05:00

We were painting yesterday. Took a lot more effort than I thought, although I should have really known better. It was a straight into the bath kind of morning...

It's a good thing that stuff is non-toxic, right?

Oh My Gawd

2008-10-21T08:38:00.002-05:00

I just sent a snippy email to my husband's grandmother.
I think I may be going to hell.

She sent me one of those forwarded full of tripe 'Obama's a Muslim, where is his money from, and why would he bother to volunteer, anyhow' emails. I usually delete them.
I sent her a short note that said this: I'm not changing my vote. Stop sending me lies' with a link to the Snopes thing on how the email was false.

Gah.

The Grocery Game

2008-10-20T07:57:00.005-05:00

So, I came across this website while looking for something completely different. I was searching for a recipe, and found what I was looking for on a message board for coupon people. I'm not a coupon people. I will occasionally use one of those stick on coupons if I remember to peel it off while I'm in a line, or if the cashier does it for me, but other than that, it seems like a waste of time. I mean, how am I supposed to remember what I have a coupon for or not? And those organizer things are so goofy, I don't want to carry that nonsense with me.

But I do love to get stuff when it's cheap, and I think maybe I'm a little broken because it's kind of a sport and I might enjoy it a little more than most people. Which brings us back to the stumbling upon of 'the coupon people'. There was a $1 trial period, and I thought, well, what can it hurt? I don't normally do coupons, but we'll see where this goes. If nothing else, it's a waste of a dollar, and I've wasted a lot more than that on a lot less. I got the trial, printed my little list and bought the Sunday paper. I found an old paper at my mom's house, too, and lifted the coupon inserts from a few weeks ago that way, so I had two Sundays of coupons to use.
I tried it for the first time yesterday, at our regular grocery store. On things that I wouldn't necessarily buy, but things that would definitely get used, I spent about 40% of retail. I came home with five pounds of chicken, soup, cereal for Noel and some frozen veggies for $8.
I'm sold.
In my area, there are several stores on their lists, so I picked the three that we go to on a fairly regular basis; Publix, CVS and Walgreens. I'll be heading to CVS today to see how that one goes, but I have high expectations.

The premise is simple, and completely opposite from how we have been shopping lately. We keep the freezer stocked with some staples, like chicken breasts, ground beef, some veggies and then I'd go to the grocery store for perishables when we needed fresh stuff a couple of times a week. This worked fine with one baby. It doesn't work all that well having to cart around two kids. It meant a lot more of me telling my husband to just grab something on his way home, because I didn't get a chance to go to the store. It meant a lot of ordering bagels on the weekends from the bagel joint down the street because we didn't have them here. Nickels and dimes add up, I know, and that's the way it goes. With the way this coupon thing works, you buy what you'll use when it's really cheap and get extra to keep around for when it's not. Even if I don't follow the stockpile plan like some people do, we'll still spend a lot less on things like cleaning products, shampoo, toothpaste, and other household things. You have to be a little flexible on brands and products that you may not normally buy, but it's not saving money if it's something you really just won't use. We don't use prepared or packaged convenience foods, so even though the hamburger helper WAS really cheap, I still didn't buy it.
The basic premise is this: you pay for a subscription, which gets you a weekly list of the stores you pick. The list is of the products that are on sale and also have coupons available. Basically, it's someone else doing the work of checking flyers and keeping track of older (ie, not just this weeks) coupons. Then you can go through the list and print only the items you want, and go through the coupons and cut only the ones you need for that list. Off to the store, and save a bundle. Some people have systems where they keep all their coupons with them in case they're out and happen across a deal, but I can't imagine I'll be that person. I'm still not really that into carrying the expandable coupon organizer around. I'm pretty sure I'll be extending my subscription when the trial is up, and I hope they'll add the Whole Foods in my area (it's available in Arizona? or maybe California? someplace that isn't here, anyway) because I'd get a lot more use out of that.

And that's how I started cutting coupons this weekend.

Thanks, Tricia!

2008-10-19T11:23:00.000-05:00