9dp3dt
I stopped freaking out about it working or not, and started worrying about chemical pregnancies and blighted ovums and omigod I have to wait until next TUESDAY for the beta.
My lovely husband doesn't want to stare at things I've peed on (he will, its just not the highlight of his day). I keep him updated by way of showing him anyway. It's a lovely time when he gets home from work- he sits down, I thrust pee-soaked bits of plastic at him. "Look at this one!". It's thrilling for both of us, really.
He understands my um, apprehension of this part, but he's better at not thinking about it EVERY SINGLE SECOND. Maybe that's because I'm the one with the oddly painful/ not painful, huge/ deflated boobs. To be honest, that's the only thing to even pretend to check, besides the endless line of tests. I know that the progesterone is doing all the work, and I know that we are supplying that via a needle to my ass, so really, the only thing is the damned tests. And the important test is next week. Days and days and days away. I wish that I didn't know how fast this can all get stripped away. I wish I still thought that the two lines always brought a pregnancy followed by a birth. I know better, and I'm not scared, really, I'm just waiting. Waiting to see if I can breathe normally again, because it feels like I'm holding my breath.
At 8dp3dt
I don't know that I have anything to add to this one.
at 6.5dp3dt
Alright, it's more like 6.75 days past, but whatever. Woke up at 3:30 and decided sleeping was out. Today is my progesterone test, but I won't get the results until tomorrow. Apparently the lab only runs p4 on M/W/F. 7 days to beta. No, wait, that's 7.25 days.
at 6dp3dt
I think I'll clean my keyboard.
At 5dp3dt
The trigger is gone, at least. White space where the elusive second line resides. I guess tomorrow will start the parade of tests- and remember, even though they're
supposed to be ultra sensitive, I doubt it. They were cheap.
In symptom-type news, I can't sleep. But I'm tired. Stupid progesterone. I get my daily stab in the ass at 9:30 pm, and by 9:32 I'm asleep. Unfortunately, I woke up at 3 because I was absolutely starving. Then I was up for good at 6, but I bet I'll be ready for a nap this afternoon.
On the bright side, the PIO injections themselves are going just fine- icing the spot and a heating pad after seem to be the trick. T is getting pretty good at the stick, and a little full of himself for it, but that's ok. It's kinda cute.
As for the rest of it? I'm a little cry-y, again, thanks to the progesterone. Woke up last night to pee, got back to bed, and there was a me shaped spot of heat still there- I guess I'm warmer than normal. Again, thank you progesterone. My boobs are absolutely humongoloid. Really. Like, the size of small canteloupes. I have a shelf-bra tank top that I love, and I put it on yesterday. Thank god I didn't go out of the house- it was stretched to its mechanical limits, I believe. Imagine if the elastic had snapped? Someone would have lost an eye, no doubt. Granted, they'd deserve it because they would have been ogling my giant boobs, but still.
Stay tuned for dipstick style fun tomorrow. Oh, boy!
At 3dp3dt
Yeah, this sucks. It is surprising to me, in a way, that although this is exactly the same as every other time I had to wait to find out
am I? am I not? but am I? it is soul stealing in a way that I have never felt before.
I have had 2 miscarriages- one chemical pregnancy, one at 7 weeks. We have been trying to get pregnant for almost 4 years. Obviously, the results have been dismal. I am used to the failures, however that's possible.
But this one, this maiden voyage into IVF- this one scares the living daylights out of me. We have better odds than ever before- which gets my hopes up higher than maybe they should be. There's a backup plan in place- the 'what-if-it-doesn't-work' plan, so it's not like I'm unprepared for that unpleasant option, but in my head it's a real tug of war between the "Of course it worked" camp and the "Whatever, are you kidding?" assholes.
And my clinic? They wait SO LONG for beta. 16 days past retrieval. That's like torture. I'll be starting the testing tomorrow- just to keep tabs on how the trigger is doing in there. Also because I learned a long time ago that I'd rather see over and over and over again that it didn't work than be surprised ever again. You know, surprised with the bad thing- not the other one. Duh.
Well, shit almighty.
Sounds like the
good thing is happening. Congratulations to the entire Grrl family, as it looks as if the crown prince of the blog kingdom is finally making his appearance.
Mazel tov!!
Aren't they beautiful?
I'm smitten with my blobs. I am hoping beyond all hope that one of them wants to stick around for a while.
Transfer went very well. As of this morning, we had two grade one embryos- one was 8 cells and one was 7 cells. Oh, how I want this to work.
AiYeeee
So. 5 eggs retrieved. 3 mature enough to ICSI. 2 fertilized. Both grade 1 as of this morning. Transfer tomorrow morning. I don't know how I can be so disappointed in the number of eggs retrieved and so fucking excited that the ones we do have are as perfect as we can hope for. At least there are 2. At least they are good.
aspiration
Yeah, I aspire to not have to do this crap again. I will, don't misunderstand- I just don't WANT to. And if this does happen again (we get two tries through my insurance), I want a better response. Way better. Way, way better.
We got 5 eggs. At the outset, my RE speculated on 15-20 at retrieval, because I had an excellent respone to my IUI cycles. Shit, I got the multiples speech over more than one cycle. I got 5 stupid follicles on a lower dose of JUST gonal-f. I got 4 on Clomid, for fuck's sake. I thought this was supposed to be better, right?
Granted, I'm putting the cart before the horse. It's only been 3 hours since retrieval, so I can't really be down on the outcome yet. My problems, though, um- it doesn't look very good around here. IF all the eggs retrieved are mature, and IF they all fertilize, and IF they look good on Monday... that's lotsa ifs. If I hear that it only takes one from anybody else, I swear, well. I don't know what will happen then. Probably nothing, really, but I don't want to hear it again.
I just want it to work. That's all. I know it
can; I know it only takes one good egg, one good embryo... but I've seen better odds, you know?
Triggered last night. Finally.
After twelve days of stims, my E2 eventually made it up to 2590. I have no idea what the most recent follicle count was, so that just means that ER tomorrow will be the biggest surprise ever. wheeeee!
I bought a pile of dipstick tests from some business in the UK (you can get tests sensitive to 10miu if you're crafty) and took one this morning. Found out that no matter where you get them from, dipstick tests you snag on the internet are not the best tests ever. See?
Also, I meant to say this before but never got around to it. I have crutches- not much longer now, but I've got them. While I was recuperating from the foot surgery I found this business online that sold all kinds of accoutrements to one's broken bones. One of the things that they sold were these crutch covers-
and they had pockets. Way important when you can't use your hands, right? So I bought a pair. Called to see if I could get a pattern and size switch, but unfortunately it would have taken more time than I would have liked. So I opted for my second choice on the pattern. Two days later, I got my package from them- and got both covers- the pattern I wanted (a little too big) AND ALSO the second choice that I ultimately ordered. In addition, I had a sweet as pie note from the guy I spoke to saying that he found the pattern I liked, tried it on the crutches thatI'm using and they were a little big. not too bad, though, and to consider it a gift if they worked out for me. Oh, and a get well soon, too.
How wonderful is that? I've used both covers, and love them both, and the pockets are
so helpful. For serious.
In conclusion, should you find yourself with a cast, or know someone who ends up with one, check these
guys out. They were so sweet to me I feel it necessary to plug them if I can.
And, um, that egg thing. I sure hope there's more than a couple.
What's another day, anyhow?
Right. So, looks like ER will be on Saturday. I go in tomorrow morning for another blood draw (keeping score at home? This makes 4 in a row), with trigger tomorrow night. This is officially slow responder territory, as much as I never expected to be here. So, um, that's different. Not poor response, because it's not horrible, but still. Ick.
E2 went up to 1684 today, and no word on the follicles. Yesterday I was told there were 5 follicles at 14mm, 2 at 13mm. So we've dropped back to seven follicles from the nine. Oh, well. That sucks. What can I do about it? Nothing. Let's move on to something else already. I'm ready for retrieval.
Getting there.
Today's bloodletting results- E2 of 847. Better, thankfully. U/S says maybe 10 follicles, maybe 9. Endometrium still hovering at 9.something, same as on Saturday.
ART coordinator lady says retrieval should be Friday or Saturday. I'm not as freaked out about the number anymore- I'm gearing up to freak out about fert reports and number retrieved (not in that order, duh) and all that jazz.
Woohoo! Is this a rollercoaster or what?
Ugh.
Well, on the bright side, I have 9 follicles as of today's u/s, three more than there were before. That's gotta be good, right? Eight on the right side, largest one at 12mm, one on the left, that one is a straggler at 8mm. The E2, though, geez. It's only 352 after 7 days of stims. That's pretty crappy. I'm staying on the same dose of Gonal-F, I guess because from Thursday to today was a decent increase. I guess.
Still, this has me concerned. I'm 29, so age shouldn't be a factor. I passed the CCCT with flying colors, I had a great response to past Gonal-F cycles. Um, hello? What the hell us up with this slow response this time? Is it the Lupron? Whatever it is, it's not making me happy.
I hope that everything turns out ok, and we'll see how this all looks on Monday. I mean, it's not like nine follicles is the worst response ever. I just expected more.
Follicles? I've got a few
Six. I have six follicles today, mostly pretty small-ish at 5-7mm. Waiting on the E2, which should come after lunch.
* and now it's after lunch.
E2 came back at a laughable 142. Increasing the Gonal F to 225iu/ day. Still the one amp of Repronex (don't forget the Lupron). Back on Saturday morning to see if we kicked these ovaries of mine into high gear.
Unfortunately, this increase in meds has me running out in 4.6 days. And that's a Sunday. I could order more and hopefully not need it, but then I'd be buying more. Which sucks. Or I could wait, and maybe need it and not have it, which sucks more. Pain in my ass. I guess I'll be buying another one of these damned pens- but only a 300. And maybe some Repronex. And probably some Lupron, I guess, it's looking pretty shallow in that vial. Shit. Now I have to go and actually take stock of how much I have left and how far it'll get me.
About poop.
We have, for the past several years, had a mystery poop-maker in our yard. We would discover this on the front porch, and make guesses as to the creature leaving the little gifts for us. Too big to be squirrel, we thought. Maybe an armadillo? We never really knew if there were armadillos in our neighborhood, though. Too small to be raccoon, but we only saw a raccoon here once, a couple of years ago. Possum, perhaps. It was all guessing, and we had no answers.
So here is the conversation my lovely husband and I had yesterday evening.
Him: Hey, honey. You know those poops?
Me: Yeah, didja step on some?
Him: No, I know where it comes from! (excited like)
Me: (excited about this, too) Really?
Him: Toads!
Me: Go figure!
This is all just a big distraction from the fact that I'm freaking the fuck out over my ridiculously low E2. Toad poop. This is pathetic.
42?
So, we all know that's the answer to the question. You know what, though? It's also my E2 level today. Seems measly to me, but what do I know. U/S shows not one thing going on in them there ovaries, but there is some endometrial growth. Way to go, ute!
Thankfully the addition of the FSH and the dropping of the Lupron is helping out tremendously with the headaches. 'bout damn time, I say.
I haven't bitten the living fuck out of my (still partially numb) lip lately, and that makes me pretty durn happy. The foot surgery (close to three weeks post-op, there) is healing nicely. Stitches look really good, and the last xray impressed my podiatrist, so if she's happy, I'm happy.
I'm on a fairly low dose of FSH (2 amps gonalF, 1 of Repronex), and my instructions for tonight are to keep that the same. Surprising to me, given that today's u/s seemed less than impressive- but what do I know? It's only after 3 days of stims. I go back on Thursday- hopefully to see some really good action in there.
